Saturday, May 31, 2008

Mama Bird

Yup, the nesting has begun...with a vengeance.

I awoke this morning at 4am because I was so excited to clean. I have never loved cleaning so much! This is too weird.

The nursery is basically done now, save for some paint touch ups and of course we still need to buy furniture. But it's clean and sparking and all ready to go.

First day of maternity leave. It's a gorgeous sunny day and I have no obligations. Yup, this is living.

I went and saw the premier of Sex and The City last night with a girlfriend. Loved. It. It was such good stuff. I don't know if it's because I'm hormonal or what, but I pretty much sobbed through the entire movie. I can't wait to buy it when it comes out on DVD.

I'm afraid this has been a bit of a random post. This may be my new trend in posting as my thoughts are scattered all over the place lately. I'm brimming with excitement, anticipation, gratitude and I'm so very happy (despite the [usually] minor bouts of anxiety that creep in a few times a day). It's amazing how being suddenly free from work really helps alleviate the lion's share of life's stressors while magnifying the enjoyment. I've only been on maternity leave for oh, something like 15 hours now, but I can already tell I'm going to absolutely love it.

I am so excited for my Real Job to begin!

Friday, May 30, 2008


I am so done. Done with work that is! Officially on maternity leave starting this afternoon.

I am so excited to have some time to rest, relax and nest. I feel the nesting urge coming on strong and I can't wait to rip my house apart and put it back together again.

I am officially a Lady Of Leisure. It really hasn't sunken in yet, but I have a good feeling I'm going to have no problem getting used to this new life.

Must go, couch beckons.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Sunny Day Antics & Reality Sets In

I guess Maya's eyes are really open now. Yesterday she was having a bit of a quiet day. I did feel her kicking and moving, albeit more infrequently and more lightly than usual. That was, until, I sat on my patio with a book, and proceeded to lift my shirt exposing my belly to the bright sunlight. All of the sudden, she started kicking away. My belly was popping and rolling all around as she put on her show. Amazing.

It struck me yesterday, I mean really struck me, that this kid is coming in somewhere between nine and eleven weeks. Holy! We haven't even bought a crib yet. Or a stroller. Or anything, really. I am suddenly realizing we need to get cracking and get prepared for this baby!

It also struck me yesterday, as I was lying in bed, that I'm going to be a mum very soon. Like, for real. Obviously I've known that for some time, but last night it really sunk in. I am going to be responsible for a baby human. It's a little scary to think about! Luckily, my excitement FAR OUTWEIGHS my fear at this point.  But there is definitely some fear. I just want to be a great mum so very much.

So that's where I'm at. 72 hours until maternity leave.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

28 Weeks Today

28 weeks = 7 months!

I am now quite obviously, noticeably pregnant. Strangers are asking me when I'm due. I went to a family gathering today and all my relatives were rubbing my belly, asking about the baby and my pregnancy, and telling me stories of their own children's births. I must admit, there is definitely a part of me that is enjoying this new attention. I've wanted this pregnancy and this baby for so very long and it feels absolutely amazing to finally be here...expecting.

Everyone is so excited for baby girl to be born. Parents, family, friends...and of course, D and me (more than anyone). Maya will be the first grandchild on both sides - in both my family and D's. This little girl is going to be born into so much love and I am so happy for that.

Maya officially has a bigger wardrobe than I do. Between all my mum's baby shopping sprees and all the hand-me-downs people are so kindly giving us, this little girl won't be running out of things to wear anytime soon. I'm going to have to dress her in 10 different outfits a day, just to give her a chance to wear all her clothes before she's too big to fit into them!

It's Sunday night and I'm gearing up for my last week of work before I go on maternity leave. This should be a good week because I have lots to keep me busy and a ton of loose ends to tie up before I go. As excited as I am to go on maternity leave for a whole year (G-d bless Canada), it really hasn't hit me yet that I'm not going to have to go to work every morning. I've never had more than a few weeks off work at any given time since I was 16. It's very, very surreal. Gosh.

Thursday, May 22, 2008


I’m not sleeping so well this week. I find myself waking up at around 1:30 or 2:00am, and I remain wide awake until about 5:30am (one hour before my alarm goes off). There is no one thing that is keeping me up; it seems to be a combination of constantly having to pee, hip pain, Braxton Hicks, restlessness and just generally being uncomfortable. Don’t get me wrong – I love being pregnant and wouldn’t trade a minute of this, honestly. But it is really hard to work when I’m feeling this tired. I am really struggling to muster up any semblance of productivity. Thankfully, I only have 4 more working days left to go (after today). Just tomorrow (Friday) and then Wednesday, Thursday and Friday next week. I am so ready for maternity leave. So. Ready.

The good part about being awake in the middle of the night is that I get to witness baby girl’s nighttime baby dance parties. They are hysterical and I love them. And it’s nice to know that at least someone else is wide awake with me.

I am yawning as I type this. It’s going to be a long day.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


Well, the article I was interviewed for (remember this post?) came out today. I’m only semi-happy with it. While they kinda got the gist of what I was trying to say, I was totally misquoted. I don’t talk like that! Especially the last sentence where I am quoted as saying, “…and that in another few months, D and I will be a mommy and a daddy.” BARF! That sounds so cheesy and I would never say that in real life. Oh well, c’est la vie.

Here is the article if you want to check it out.

The hard copy version also features a big ol’ colour picture of me alongside the article. It’s a terrible picture; I have no neck and I am sporting a smarmy and condescending expression. Have I learned NOTHING from all my years of watching America's Next Top Model??? I know that most people are critical of the way they look in photos, but no, in this case, it really is a bad photo. This is truly not a modesty thing.

So there ya go, folks! My claim to fame and my personal contribution to Canadian National Infertility Awareness Week! Enjoy!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

27 Weeks Today

27 weeks and finally into my THIRD trimester! Yay!!

I'm feeling fabulous, despite being a tad awkward and lumbering in my new size.

Last week was the first week that total strangers have approached me about my pregnancy. One kind person offered me a seat on the bus and even when I felt bad and said, "oh, that's okay..." she insisted, saying that pregnant women should sit whenever they can. I couldn't say no to that. A second person came up to me at the wedding we attended last night and just said, "When are you due?"

Funny as it may sound, this kind of thing is a huge milestone to me. I feel that it's only been recently that I look "obviously pregnant" and I am really loving it.

Maya has been a busy little girl these days and I've been getting a real kick out of her movements lately (ha ha no pun intended). She is getting big enough now that I can feel some of her smaller movements as well as her kicks and punches and it's been great. Last night she had me giggling because she was doing some sort of weird poking thing with her hands (I think) right up near my ribcage. I have already projected such a silly personality onto her; I wonder if she'll be as silly as I think she is when I get to meet her this August.

Baby girl has also had the hiccups a couple of times and I have to admit, I think her hiccups are the sweetest and cutest thing ever. Totally, totally adorable.

Alright, onto some photos. I haven't had a chance to take any proper pictures of both of my new dresses yet, BUT I did wear one of them to the wedding we went to last night so here are some photos from that. You can't see much of the dress but they're fun pics of me and my hubby anyway...

Friday, May 16, 2008

Super Duper!

First of all, I am thrilled and relieved to report that I DON'T have gestational diabetes!

I called my doctor this afternoon and my results had just arrived. I don't know what the numbers were, but I was assured that my blood glucose was within normal range and I don't have GD. I honestly didn't think I would pass! Between the PCOS, the "trace" amounts of glucose in my last urine test, my hefty weight gain and my 3-week ahead fundal height, I didn't think I stood a chance of passing. But I am certainly not complaining! What a wonderful surprise!

It was noted, however, that my iron levels were slightly low and I am considered to be a tad anemic. I have been instructed to purchase and take a weekly iron supplement (seems weird to only take it once a week but oh well). Easy enough.

Also, today's shopping expedition was a great success. I found two great dresses, exactly what I wanted, plus a simple skirt. You guys wanna see pictures?

Happy day!

It's Friday. Chores Are Done. I'm Going Shopping.

I spent all day yesterday cleaning out the nursery and the on-suite bathroom. I am thrilled to report that it is now all empty, save for a glider with ottoman and a toy box. Now, it just needs to be painted (touch ups), thoroughly cleaned and then the furniture. What a load off!

It was really hard work, too. I swear - bending, crouching, cleaning, gets more difficult by the day. Last night my back was killing me - a sure sign that I overdid it. Oh well, it's all done now and not a minute too soon!

Today I am going up to 4th Avenue - a street in my city that is known for having tons of maternity and baby stores. D and I are going to a wedding tomorrow and I have NOTHING to wear. I tried on some loose, flowy, stretchy non-maternity dresses earlier this week in hopes that they would make due and honestly, they looked ridiculous. This baby bump is definitely more than just a bump now! So hopefully, I'll find something nice....and maybe some new shoes to match!

What I'd love to find is something that I can use after the wedding too - something loose and lovely and comfortable that can be casual or dressy. I think I'd get a lot of use out of a dress like that. Unfortunately, so many of these dresses have spaghetti straps and if you saw the industrial bra that is holding up the girls right now, you would understand why that is just not an option. I shall report back with my findings poste haste after my shopping adventure!

There is a slim chance that my GD test results will come back today. It's still kinda early, but the lab said it wouldn't hurt to check in today. I am still worried about it and hoping so hard that I am not diabetic. But I'm trying to keep a sunny outlook and if I do indeed have gestational diabetes, well, I am confident that I can manage it. I can and would do absolutely anything for my little daughter.

Happy Friday everyone!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

The Latest

I had my monthly OB/GYN appointment yesterday and all went...OK. It went well, really, nothing terrible happened or anything - and thank G-d for that - but there were three things that kinda bothered me.

First - there was a "trace" of glucose in my urine. Both the nurse and my doctor said this could be normal...or it could be a sign of something. They said not to worry about it for now, but I should go and get my gestational diabetes blood test done asap.

Second - I have gained 11 pounds since last month's appointment. ELEVEN POUNDS. This puts me roughly at a total pregnancy weight gain of 35-40 pounds. While I don't mind packin' em on, my doctor was less than thrilled with me. I have to be really, really careful not to put on too much more weight during this pregnancy. Oh and by the way, I am starting my third trimester on Sunday. This should be interesting.

Third - my fundal height (uterus height) is measuring - get this - THREE WEEKS AHEAD. I am 26.5 weeks and my uterus clocked in at 29 cm.

Each one of these things alone wouldn't bother me much. But all three of them put together *could* point to gestational diabetes, which I really don't want thankyouverymuch. I went to the lab right after my doctor's appointment and did the GD test. (By the way, I didn't think that orange drink was so bad. It was indeed sweet, but not as horrible as I had imagined.) Results should be in within 2-7 days. If anyone can spare a good thought for my test results, I'd really appreciate it.

I honestly don't care about me in this scenario. I don't care what I have to do to keep my little girl healthy. Seriously, I would be more than happy to paint myself purple and eat nothing but broccoli if I thought it would help. I am more worried about Maya. I would hate it if my body somehow put her in harm's way - like subjecting her to birth trauma or lifetime obesity.

Oh well, I guess there's no point in worrying about GD until I find out the results of the test. I'll try to put it out of my mind for now. (Notably, I did end up dreaming about it all night last night.) And the important thing to remember is that even if I do have GD, it's not the end of the world. It's manageable and when it comes to my baby, I am as strong-willed as they come. I would do anything, absolutely anything for this kid.

Other than that, the appointment went very well and was reassuring in all other aspects. Baby girl's heartbeat was a strong 153 and everything else is going swimmingly. I am very, very happy.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


I am so close I can taste it. I am down to a mere 8 days of work after today. However, these remaining 8 days are spread out over the rest of the month; I am using up a couple of vacation days during each of the remaining weeks. Friday May 30th will be my last day of work and I am so excited.

Everyone keeps asking me what I’m going to do with all this time off before the baby comes in August. I can sum that answer up in two words: Chill Out. I plan to sleep, rest, lounge, relax, unwind, loosen up, calm down, and take ‘er easy. Of course, there are some things I do want to get done. Namely, I would like to get my house in ship-shape before Maya arrives – get every closet, drawer and cupboard totally organized because who knows when I’ll have another chance to give my house a thorough cleaning again. And it goes without saying that there are tons of baby-preparation things I’ll need to do as well.

But my main plan is to relax. I have a facial and a mani/pedi booked for the first week I’m officially off, just to get in the groove. This is the time to pamper myself, because without a doubt, I will not have another opportunity for a good long while.


Yesterday in the mail, I received a Huggies coupon book which donned a front cover reading, “Congratulations! Your baby is now 3 months old!” At first I thought, oops that’s a typo, my baby is 3 months away from being born. And then I realized. This coupon book was meant for the baby I miscarried. The baby who, yes, would have been 3 months old now. Finding this little gem in my mailbox reminded me once again just how truly, incredibly, amazingly lucky I am. Not that I ever, ever forget.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

26 Weeks Today

26 weeks! And my ticker has officially broken the 100-day mark!


D has been taking a belly photo of me every week since we were 8 weeks pregnant. Check these out for comparison:

This is at 8 weeks pregnant:

This is at 16 weeks pregnant:

...And this is from today - 26 weeks pregnant:

Go Maya!

Friday, May 9, 2008

Conversations With Maya & A Mouthful Of Dirt

After my shower this morning, I laid down in bed for a few minutes rubbing my belly and talking to Maya. Here’s how our conversation went:

Me: Hello Maya, hellllllooooo!
Maya: [Kick]
Me: Hello little girl, how are you my darling?
Maya: [Kick]
Me: I love you Maya!
Maya: [Kick]
Me: Am I bugging you? Do you want to go back to sleep?
Maya: --Silence--

In other news, the Braxton Hicks contractions have continued. Last night I had 5 of them within about 45 minutes. I debated with D whether or not we should go to the hospital. Instead, I opted to drink a big glass of water and go lie down in bed. I ended up falling asleep but I did have three more BH, randomly, in the middle of the night. I know these things are supposed to be normal, but I gotta tell ya, they sure do make me nervous. I have decided to just keep a close eye on them and if they do ever get regular and consistent, I am heading straight to the hospital.

Speaking of nervous, last night’s dinner took years off my life. D and I decided to order pizza from our regular delivery place. We always get the same thing – half pepperoni and pineapple (for D) and half veggie (for me). Our pizza arrived and being the worrier that I am, I always put my half under the broiler for an additional few minutes *just to make sure it is fully cooked*. I have a really hard time trusting anyone to make my food right. So I re-cooked it, and sat down and had a big ol’ bite. I realized, at that point, I had bitten into a big mouthful of mushrooms – and (bloody hell) DIRT. DIRT!!! I ran to the garbage and spit it out. I was spitting for ten minutes trying to get rid of any and all traces of the dirt. I have no doubt I inadvertently swallowed some, it was unavoidable. And I don't need to remind you that mushrooms grow on shit.

I was beyond furious, arms waving and shouting at D. I wanted to call the pizza place and freak out on them but D wouldn’t let me because he was afraid they would spit on his next pizza. AS IF we are EVER ordering from them again!

I don’t have to tell you that I am the kind of pregnant woman who borders on full-blown insanity. I inspect my food to a ridiculous degree. I wash and re-wash my vegetables. I cook my meats until they are a blackened, crispy char. I have been known, on several occasions, to actually CALL the 1-800 numbers on packages of dairy products to specifically ask if my parmesan cheese is pasteurized. Nothing passes these lips without a full work-up and complete breakdown. And I just ate a mouthful of dirt. DIRT!!!

I really hope I didn’t just infect myself or Maya with some hideous disease or virus. Dirt fer fuck’s sake! Dirt. Good lord.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Braxton Hicks? Worried. [Updated]

A couple of nights ago, I noticed, for a moment, a weird painless tightening come over my uterus. At first I thought it was baby girl moving around – maybe backing up to the outside of my belly. When I noticed it again last night, it dawned on me that more likely what I was experiencing was a Braxton Hicks contraction. I have had them a few times since.

I am a little freaked out about this because I am only 25 weeks. I certainly don’t want my body to be having “practice contractions” this early. No thank you. Dr. Google assures me that it is normal to feel Braxton Hicks this early but I’m not convinced. I have already placed a call to my doctor and hopefully she will call me back with some good news sometime this millennium. Even if BH are indeed considered normal this early, I am still a bit nervous about their effect on my already short cervix.

To add to my anxiety, Maya had a really quiet day yesterday. I did feel her a bit, but certainly it was a lot less action than what I had been feeling. Hopefully she’s just turned inward, or maybe she’s just having a growth-spurt day. But either way, I do not like these quiet days one bit. No, not one bit. I did end up using the Doppler last night and thank G-d, her heartbeat was nice and clear and strong in the 140-150 range.

So this is my week so far. Feeling a little on edge. Stress at work is not helping.

Sorry for the malcontented post. *Sigh*

[Update: Okay so I lost patience waiting for my doctor to call so I called the office again. Spoke to the receptionist who said that Dr. R did get my message and does plan to call me at the end of the day when she's through with her patients. However, in the meantime, she told the receptionist to tell me not to worry about the Braxton Hicks unless they become more regular or more intense. (Which they haven't.) If that doesn't happen, all is fine. Yay! And phew!

Also, Maya has been considerably more active today, which has been a huge relief to me. Still not as active as other days she's had (so far) but I'll take it.

So bottom line: I have officially taken a chill pill and gotten over myself.]

Sunday, May 4, 2008

25 Weeks Today

I remember when I was 9 or 10 weeks pregnant...looking at my calendar at the 25 week mark and thinking, "Wow, that seems so far away." Now here I am at 25 weeks today, and I still feel like I have so much further to go! According to this website, I have completed 61% of my pregnancy, and I have 39% left to go. August still feels so far away. My pregnancy seems to be zipping by at light speed to everyone but me. I know I shouldn't be wishing this time away, I truly do savour every second of this pregnancy, but I am so incredibly excited to meet my little girl and hold her...I just want August to hurry up and get here!

Ah, impatient me.

I went to see Baby Mama with my friend L yesterday. Despite the fact that it was totally inaccurate with regard to all things reproductive (a big pet peeve of mine), it was actually pretty funny and cute. I'm not saying that everyone should rush out and see it, it's certainly one that can wait for DVD. But it was good for some laughs and I enjoyed it. We then went back over to L's place, watched some Sex & The City, and gorged ourselves on take-out Indian food. A lovely Saturday all around!

Maya was going crazy yesterday. She kicked me lots during the movie and even more after the Indian food dinner. I don't know if that means she liked it or hated it. It was spicy. Maybe that's what got her going.

I have resigned myself to the notion that baby girl doesn't really have a pattern, and may never develop one. I'm OK with that, so long as she keeps kicking me several times a day. I have a friend who is about a week ahead of me in her pregnancy and she says her little boy kicks her "all the time". And by that, she means every hour like clockwork. My little one isn't so predictable. At first, it bothered me, but I'm not so worried about it anymore.

I tend to lack the gift of hindsight and focus too much on the moment I'm experiencing. If Maya's having a quiet afternoon, it's total agony for me; it's easy for me to forget the fact that she kicked me all morning. It's hard to see the forest for the trees.

When I'm really honest with myself and I look back on these last few weeks, Maya's progress has been awesome:

Week 18 - random, infrequent movement, maybe 2-3 times a week
Week 19 - more taps and flutters, 2-3 times a week - and this was the first week I felt movement from the outside
Week 20 - flutters and kicks, 3-4 times a week - and this was the first week that D felt a kick from the outside
Week 21 - some quiet days, some really busy days where I'd feel her several times a day
Week 22 - some quiet days, some active days
Week 23 - some quiet days, some active days - this was the first week I felt her at least once a day
Week 24 - movement and kicking at least 3-4 times a day, and by the end of the week more like 5-6 times a day. This was the first week that D saw a big kick from the outside.

Keep it up baby girl! She's kicking me now as I type this. I love you so much little one!!

Friday, May 2, 2008

Pot Of Gold

Today is Friday, and thank goodness for that. Another work week bites the dust. After today I will have 15 work days left to contend with (note that I don’t count weekends, holidays or the vacation days I’ll be taking). 15 days of having to get up at the ass crack of dawn and drag my tired, weary bones into the office for 9 hours of good times. It’s truly amazing that I haven’t accidently fallen asleep at my desk yet.

Maya gave me a bit of anxiety yesterday because she was being so agonizingly quiet. Usually I can feel a kick or two in the morning when I’m waking up, but yesterday – nothing. I thought if I ate some breakfast that would get her going but nope, still quiet. When I got to work, I did feel a couple of light kicks early on but then nothing for the rest of the work day. By 5pm I had worked myself into quite a lather with all those horrible thoughts swimming around in my head.

Thankfully, when I got home and got settled, she did finally start kicking. And last night I woke up at 2:30am and discovered she was kicking me then too. This morning when the alarm went off, she gave me a couple of reassuring kicks and even kicked me again about 20 minutes ago.

I know all the books say that the kicking and movement should get more and more frequent as the days pass. I don’t find this to be the case with my baby. Maya seems to have a couple of really good kicking days, then a couple of quiet days. So far, it has been like that, with no pattern, rhyme or reason. I’ve checked her heartbeat a few times on her quiet days and (thank G-d) it’s totally normal.

I wonder if she’s having growth spurts during those quiet days?

Here’s hoping I get more kicks today than I did yesterday. Every time I feel her move, it is truly pure magic to me. When I don’t feel her for awhile, I really do get sad about it. I pout and mope around, it’s such torture for me. Hopefully her quiet days will happen less and less and less as we get further along in this pregnancy.

What a relief it will be when this baby girl is born, healthy and strong, in August. I absolutely love being pregnant, honestly I really do, but what I really want is the baby girl at the end of this pregnancy. Pregnancy is so amazing and wonderful, but in a way it feels like a kind of limbo leading up to the Big Prize. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. That’s what I’m really excited for. That’s what all this is about.

C’mon August 2008, hurry up and get here.