Hope & Despair

My third beta was moved to Monday morning. I was informed that the fertility clinic's lab doesn't process HCG blood tests on Sundays.

I'm finding it hard to get my mind around all that's happened. We went from getting nothing but great news with this pregnancy to receiving potentially the worst news ever. I go back and forth - sometimes I'm confident that my little embryo will "catch up" and other times I fear the worst. What a mindf*ck.

It's amazing how everything can change in the blink of an eye.

I'm constantly scanning my body for pregnancy symptoms but at this point, I think that anything I find will be a product of my will. I can't trust anything my body is doing right now.

This is some of the hardest few days I have lived through. Treading the border between hope and despair on a moment-to-moment basis is exhausting. I can't think about it. I can't stop thinking about it.

Every fiber of my being is hoping for this embryo to pull through. It's all I want in the whole world.

And I will say this: If this baby makes it through all this, it is so grounded for at least two weeks after it's born for giving it's parents such a scare.