Sunday, December 16, 2007

Hope & Despair

My third beta was moved to Monday morning. I was informed that the fertility clinic's lab doesn't process HCG blood tests on Sundays.

I'm finding it hard to get my mind around all that's happened. We went from getting nothing but great news with this pregnancy to receiving potentially the worst news ever. I go back and forth - sometimes I'm confident that my little embryo will "catch up" and other times I fear the worst. What a mindf*ck.

It's amazing how everything can change in the blink of an eye.

I'm constantly scanning my body for pregnancy symptoms but at this point, I think that anything I find will be a product of my will. I can't trust anything my body is doing right now.

This is some of the hardest few days I have lived through. Treading the border between hope and despair on a moment-to-moment basis is exhausting. I can't think about it. I can't stop thinking about it.

Every fiber of my being is hoping for this embryo to pull through. It's all I want in the whole world.

And I will say this: If this baby makes it through all this, it is so grounded for at least two weeks after it's born for giving it's parents such a scare.

9 comments:

Giantspeedbump said...

Oh man, I'm sorry they moved the blood test...that is torture. Hang in there though, you really can't base things on whether or not you have symptoms, as frustrating as it is. So many of us know how badly you want this...and we're all hoping for the best outcome.

katarinajellybeana said...

Oh, Honey!!

I'm so sorry you have to go through this right now. The not knowing is awful.

Hopes for quick answers tomorrow.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Stay strong.

Best wishes.

Hekateris said...

Yes, torture indeed.

I will say that throughout I've had days when I haven't felt anything at all and it's been okay.

Still. I'm hoping for good news tomorrow.

Oro

Fertilize Me said...

complete and utter mindF*ck.

Sending you great thoughts for great results tomorrow

Anonymous said...

Be Strong. No news yet is still good news. I wish you all the best and we pray hard for you. I make sure I pray for you before I go to bed. I am a free thinker so I will pray to Jesus, Buddha, Allah and so on. Hilary HANG ON THERE!!! Karin

Sandra said...

Praying for wonderful, high number news tomorrow!

christina(apronstrings) said...

fvck, i hope today is the day where all of this just turns into a bad dream. because your numbers are so high.

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