I realize I need to get over myself.
I hit a breaking point yesterday and just couldn't stop crying. Hormones, impatience, discomfort and lack of control were to blame. Luckily, I have a very sweet dad who recognized how upset I was and he very kindly gave me a hug, a foot massage and took me to the local jewish deli for some chicken soup with matzo balls. It helped immensely.
In all my anxiety, I lost, for a moment, the forest for the trees. I am so incredibly lucky and blessed to be in this place, mere hours or days away from meeting my daughter. It's not that I forgot about all that (I never, EVER forget), I just lost my focus.
Tomorrow morning I have a doctor's appointment, which will hopefully result in some sort of plan. The most my doctor will let me go overdue is 10 days so come hell or high water, this baby girl will be arriving no later than August 27th (next Wednesday). I hope it doesn't come down to induction, but I guess I need to be prepared for that possibility. If that's how it's going to happen, so be it.
Today it's raining but I'm going to try to get in a very long walk anyway. And I'm going to try to stay calm and have the most anxiety-free day I can. Although I feel like hands-down the most pregnant woman to ever waddle the face of the earth right now, I know this isn't an uncommon position for a first-time mum to find herself in and somehow zillions of other mums have gone a lot more overdue than I am right now and they have persevered and had perfect, healthy children. This is my focus, my mantra, for today.
I will post again after my doctor's appointment tomorrow morning. So if you check my blog tomorrow (Friday) before 11:00am PST and don't see a post, don't assume it's because something exciting is happening, as I'll likely just be tied up at my appointment for the early part of the morning.
Then again, anything is possible, right?