Wednesday, August 20, 2008

40w3d

I am losing my SHIT. I woke up at 5am this morning and just sobbed. This wait has reduced me to such a hormonal wreck. I am just not myself.

I know it must sound crazy, feeling so discouraged at his point in my pregnancy. I think it's the uncertainty that's getting to me. I am so desperate for this baby girl to be born, and everything else in my life is just on hold until she gets here. I don't want to be induced; I want Maya to decide to be born on her own.

I'm worried about what an induction would do to my baby and to my labour, I'm worried about having an aging placenta, I'm worried about something going wrong. I'm worried that this baby is going to be 15 pounds. I'm just wracked with worry in general. This truly has been a difficult week for me, emotionally. And I'm sure the hormones are not helping.

I have to clear out of my condo today because they're shutting off the power to the building from 9am to 4pm for some sort of maintenance. I suppose I could stay in but I'd be bored without TV, internet, etc. I am all about distraction right now, so that will never do. When we received the notice about the power shut-off a few weeks ago, I remember thinking, "I'm going to have a newborn by then." I honestly never thought I'd still be pregnant at this point. But here I am.

*sigh*

11 comments:

Fertilized said...

Hilary - you are going to make it! You and Maya are going to be just fine no matter when/how she gets here. You could try and Practice deep breathing . There are too many people waiting for Maya to get here. It is anxious and nerve wracking. I am sending you lots of labouring thoughts and low anxiety hugs

Xbox4NappyRash said...

3 days woman, just 3 days.

Maybe it will be a week or more, but you've a lifetime to come!

Stay positive, you don't want the first thing she sees to be a grumpy mama!

Hilary said...

Oh, man I can feel the sadness here in Texas..too bad you don't live closer I would come pick you up and you could eat the chocolate chips cookies I made today...HUGS!!

Future Mommy said...

Oh, HUGS! Hang in there, girl...and Maya, won't you please come out to play?

sarah23 said...

Hugs to you!! Remember we told Maya (as an embryo) to snuggle in tight!

I know that one of these times, I'm going to open your journal and see... no new entry. And then a few days later, we'll have a really wonderful new post to read.

Ally said...

I'm sorry Hilary. :( If it makes you feel any better, my mom's OB just picked a day and time for me to be born (He had mid-morning May 23rd open on his calendar), and I seem to be relatively okay.

Whatever happens with Maya, I am sure she will be beautiful, wonderful, and perfect. Here's to her imminent arrival!

christina(apronstrings) said...

when will they induce? surely they won't let this go on forever? man, i cannot imagine how miserable you must be. to heart, that i promise you it is almost over. hang in there (Though, what choice do you have?)
sheesh!

christina(apronstrings) said...

i have no idea why i wrote "to heart" WTHeesy?

Future Mommy said...

So does no post so far today on the 21st mean that maybe little Maya is here????????

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