Have you noticed a common theme among my posts of late? I have. I’ve discovered I’ve been whining. A lot. Some of my whines are justified, and some are frivolous. But one thing’s for sure and certain – whining equals complaining. Complaining equals being ungrateful. And when it comes to this pregnancy, ungrateful doesn’t enter into the picture. Not even a little. I am happier and more thankful than I’ve ever been in my life right now and it’s important to me that this blog reflect that. To suggest anything else is an insult to the process I’ve been through, and to the process that so many of you are going through.
So, going forward, I am going to try not to complain so much. I think that, reading between the lines, my complaints are almost always based in fear anyway.
I came to the startling realization yesterday that I am SO AFRAID that I’ll inadvertently do something wrong. It’s quite a crippling fear. I so badly want everything to be perfect. But here’s the thing: There is no such thing as a “perfect pregnancy”. On some level, I know that. I’m bound to make occasional mistakes – eat the wrong thing, lift something too heavy, sleep on the wrong side. There’s a million things a pregnant woman can do wrong. I have to learn how to forgive myself for these mistakes and move on with life – and truly accept the fact that everything is, in all likelihood, just fine.
An anonymous commenter noted something really interesting on my last post. She basically pointed to a theory that says something to the effect that parents who conceive through ART often have a hard time with parenting and tend to be overprotective due to the struggle they have gone through to achieve parenthood. This was an eye-opener for me because I think she hit the nail right on the head. I can see this happening now, even in pregnancy. I guess the first step is to be aware of it.
I really want to relax. We’ve wanted this pregnancy, this baby, for such a long time, and we’ve worked so hard to get here. I need to let go of the things I can’t control, and figure out how to get past the mistakes I’ve made and are bound to make in the future. I think this will be my toughest challenge yet. But the time has come to start enjoying this pregnancy. Finally.
In other news, I experienced a strange phenomenon last night: While watching TV, I noticed a quick sharp shooting pain in my vajayjay. Almost akin to electric shocks. It happened 4 or 5 times, about 30-60 seconds apart. Haven’t felt them since. Anyone had this? Anyone know what this is?
I have my next OB/GYN appointment coming up on Tuesday, so I will definitely add this to the list to ask my doctor about.