Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Somebody Just Slap Me

I don't know WHAT is going on with my breasts lately, but for the past 3 or so days they have been extremely sore and sensitive! They did hurt on and off during the first few of weeks of my pregnancy but I thought I was done with all that now. Apparently not! I don't mind at all, I love feeling any reminder that I'm pregnant. I just think it's weird.

Work has been such exquisite agony lately. I am so not present for it. It's so hard to be there and show the enthusiasm that I am paid to demonstrate when I just don't care about it at all.

---

If you've been reading my blog for any amount of time, you've probably formed the opinion that I have a touch of OCD when it comes to worrying and obsessing about things. If you've come to this conclusion about me, I'm afraid you're absolutely right. My latest worry: Listeria. I can't stop fretting about that stupid Turkey Sandwich Incident. I know the chances that I contracted listeria are so minimal, but I can't seem to erase the fear from my mind. I am desperately desperate for some sort of reassurance that everything will be OK. I have my regular OB/GYN doctor's appointment coming up in a week (next Tuesday) and I am definitely going to ask Dr. R about it then. And if she is able to reassure me (and I really hope she can), then I think my next question will be about how to control my copious and extensive pregnancy anxieties.

We have wanted this baby for such a long time. SUCH a long time. And now that we're finally here and everything seems to be going well (knock on wood), I find myself desperately afraid that I am going screw things up or that something bad will happen. I know I should be enjoying this special time, and believe me, I really am. I LOVE being pregnant. And I guess that's the root of my fears: That all of this magic will slip through my fingers.

Worry, thy name is Hilary.

*Sigh*

16 comments:

Fertilize Me said...

I wish i could help ease your mind - but if you are anything like me - nothing will really ease your mind. I am there and I am trying desparately to ward of copious amounts of anxiety and even when I think i have it all under control, I find another reason. For me - I am annoying myself. SO this has to stop for me and it has to stop Soon!
I hope that you are able to do a better job than myself. If not , know that you aren't alone

orodemniades said...

The sore boobage will ease. The sore nipplage will not, alas.

I am convinced that we infertiles worry like no other people on earth once we get pregnant, and y'know what? That's okay. We've got good reasons to obsess. You're going to be okay, after all, you're not sick!!

sarah23 said...

Honestly, if you had contracted listeria from that sandwich, I think you'd be ill by now!

Does it help that (as a physician), I have never seen a case of listeria (among thousands of pts over the years), and I don't even *know* any one who has seen a case of listeria. It really is quite rare.

Hilary (The Trying Game) said...

Thanks girls, and especially Dr. Sarah, yes, that helps.

Melissa said...

You are FINE, mrs. queen worry-wart! You have to let that stuff go. I will pray for you for PEACE in all your worries-I know you will make it through all this and end up with a perfect little baby in your arms.
*hugs*

Future Mommy said...

I think that anyone who has been at this TTC "game" for a long time goes over to the dark side of OCD - don't worry, you're not alone!

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

Same thing happened with my boobs. Sometimes they kill, sometimes they are fine. Totally normal (or so I've been told).

Being OCD myself I know that there isn't much I can say that will make you feel better. What works for me is just believing I'm doing the best I can do and I'm being as careful as I can be. Sometimes that works, and sometimes I obsess that that the shower water was too hot after all or I shouldn't have eaten that shrimp. It's inevitable.

I hope you can relax a bit as things progress. :)

Anonymous said...

I totally understand your worry! However, that sandwich is long long gone, girlfriend!!!
Let's be realistic - look at all the pregnant people out there who are hang-gliding, smoking, drinking and eating sushi and having healthy babies. Trust me, you are NOT going to have any ill effects from one measly sandwich!

On a serious note, I don't know if you've talked to a therapist or read much about how IVF or fertility treatment can affect your ability to parent effectively, but there are some who believe that parents of children who are the result of ART can be overly protective due to the struggle to get to actual parenthood. If you think your anxiety could have an effect on your ability to be a healthy, happy mom...you may want to think about working with a professional on some coping mechanisms.

Baby Deux! said...

Thank you so much for the nice comment!

I had bad heartburn with my son and he was born with just a little bit of hair so I say BOO-HICKEY to that theory. :o) If it is actually true, our child will be able to star in the musical "Hair" when it is born. HA!

Baby Deux! said...

I have no problem with you linking my blog! Thanks!

Heartburn burps....UGH! Just thinking about them makes me want to cry!!! Been there, and AM there!

I am in the process of reading you from beginning to now so if you see wierd comments, it is just me. :o)

Baby Deux! said...

WHY WHY WHY was I not part of this earlier??!?!

I woke up in the middle of the night on my belly and swore I killed our unborn child one night so welcome to the club! :o)

You would already be sick by now if you did any damage. :o)

You are a mommy, you will NEVER stop worrying!!!

You are only a couple of weeks behind me. YEA!

Baby Deux! said...

FYI...I swear by Tums Smoothies...the Tropical Flavors.

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

Did you tap my brain when you read this post by chance? You are not alone in the excessive worrying department, I can assure you of that. When you figure out how to make it go away, share it with me before you patent it and sell it for millions of dollars, ok??

The *only* thing that is even remotely helping me are mindfulness techniques. There are many you can read about on the internet....

Good luck!

XOXO

christina(apronstrings) said...

my assvice is that you should meditate. its not healthy to be so worried all of the time, you know? i try to listen a bellaruth mediation everyday, its 15 mins and makes all the difference in the world. you can either buy the cd or the mp3.
though, i wish you could just feel a sense of peace inherenlty. well, that *both* of us could.
i so hope you feel better.
xoxoxo
(BTW it sounds like your boobs didn't hurt for awhile, which makes me feel soooo much bette, because mine have quit hurting.PHEW!)

Leah said...

I hope you don't mind a comment from me. I was actually searching for OCD wondering if I'm not the only one freaking out about the listeria outbreak. I am very afraid about it too, and I think being pregnant it is definitely normal for you to be scared.

Take care,
Leah

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