Friday, January 11, 2008

All Over The Map

This week has gone excruciatingly slowly. I suppose that this is a common occurrence whilst one is waiting on pins and needles to get to that gorgeous 12 week mark. Physically and emotionally, I’ve been all over the map.

Physically this week, I’ve had a couple of days where I’ve felt, well, nothing. Nothing to speak of, really at all. And conversely I’ve had other days this week where I’ve felt everything all at once – bloating, very mild cramping, constipation, tender breasts, sciatica, fatigue, extreme hunger and thirst. Currently, the only constant non-subjective symptom I’ve got going is my GIANT breasts that are usually tender but sometimes not.

To go along with my GIANT breasts, I’m really and truly getting a belly. Now, don’t get me wrong folks, I totally know that it’s a tad too early for me to be showing a belly full of baby yet, but my stomach really does stick out a lot farther than it did just a couple of weeks ago. It’s probably gas, water retention distended bowels, bloat, the fact that my appetite is currently a bottomless pit – you name it. But today, I really do look pregnant. Even if I try to hold it in, it makes little difference. I love it. I am so, so thankful for every pregnant day that I wake up with Scrappy. I absolutely ADORE feeling all the little reminders of Scrappy's lovely existance.

Emotionally this week, I’ve been in crisis mode at least once or twice a day. I have felt incredibly unstable and shockingly irrational. If non-pregnant Hilary met me, she would laugh. Example 1: I yelled – make that screamed – at a bus driver for missing my stop. Example 2: I’ve picked numerous fights with my poor patient husband. Example 3: I threw a fit and nearly burst into tears when I told one of the executives I work for that I am pregnant and he responded by saying, “Now you do know that you have to be very cautious not to elevate your expectations…” Granted, that was an extremely shitty thing to say, (who says something like that?) but, my reaction was a bit over-the-top. As if anything anyone says could possibly have any effect on my pregnancy. Irrationality strikes again.

I’m having a hard time caring about anything else but Scrappy right now. I am head over heels in love. Every single thought I have revolves around our little one. This has made work, housecleaning, and social relationships an annoying and unwanted distraction these days. All I want to do is sit around and be pregnant.

Is that so much to ask???

8 comments:

Fertilize Me said...

That's exactly what I did for 12 weeks and I may continue! PICS PICS

christina(apronstrings) said...

i too wish i could just be pregnant. i want to lay in bed under the covers in a cocoon. i mean, is that too much to ask.
you are so close to the 12 week mark. it's just more milestone that you're going to blow through...just like all of the rest.
xoxo

orodemniades said...

I totally had a wee belly around 8-9 weeks. Sure, it's mostly intestines and stuff as the uterus gets bigger, but that doesn't mean it's not there!!

And honestly, why shouldn't you care about anything but Scrappy? Screw 'em if they can't understand that.

sarah23 said...

The little pg belly sounds cute. Question - does the executive at work know that you went through IVF? I can't believe he would say that. Another thing - I love looking at how that baby development thing on the top righthand corner of your blog now looks like an actual baby! Neat-o!

Barb said...

I can somewhat relate in that when we're in treatments, all I'm interested in is GETTING pregnant. I care nothing for anything else.

Here's many good wishes.

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

I totally understand. This really is the most important thing in my life at the moment, and that puts a lot of things in perspective. You're doing great though! Hang in there...just a few more weeks until you're over the hump!

Praying for you, sweetie! :)

HUGS!

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Anonymous said...

well.. it's like I knew!