As per my last post, one of the things that was causing [some of] my anxiety was that fact that I was going to have to talk to my boss about the time off I want/need for the upcoming IVF. I'm asking for a grand total of about 3 weeks, so I'm not talking about small potatoes here - at least not in my office.
Well today was the day of the talk. I think it went fairly well, although at some point I think I insulted him unintentionally. I'll get to that part in a minute.
So I booked a meeting with my boss for the end of the day and by the time we got around to meeting I was kinds of worked up (me? REALLY?). As I was invited into his office, I swore to him I wouldn't take up too much of his time.
I didn't go into a lot of detail (at least not a lot for me - listen, I could go on and on if someone lets me keep talking, especially when I'm nervous or anxious or worried about something I can talk until the cows come home about anything under the sun, I can just keep going and going and going....*clears throat* But I digress). As I was saying, I didn't go into a huge amount of detail, I just told him the approximate window of dates that things would be happening and I told him I'd need that week, PLUS the following two weeks post IVF off. Oh yeah, and I will need to take mornings off for the week prior to the IVF for those daily bloodtests and ultrasounds. Tee Hee.
He was a bit surprised at the amount I was requesting, I think. Especially being a relative new employee (I started in April). I could see this look on his face so I felt I needed to start backpedaling by saying stuff like, "I really don't expect to get paid during this time, I know it's a lot to ask, I'll try to come back to work as soon as I can, I don't mean to be presumptuous and (here comes the insult) if it's not possible for me to keep my job it's okay..."
That last part came out all wrong. My intent was to say that it's understandable if they are not able to hold my position for that long and I don't expect special treatment; what came out was more along the lines of "hey man, it's like, totally fine with me if, ya know, I lose this stinkin' job anyway who cares". I'm sure I'm exaggerating here but it just felt wrong when that statement came out of my mouth. He responded by saying, "Are you saying it's okay with you if you lose your job?? Hilary, you're not going to lose your job." *insert major sigh of exasperation and tone of frustration from boss here*.
Anyway, I synopsized again the reasoning behind why I want the time off and told him this IVF is the most important thing I've got going right now...He said he got that, and he would do what he could, and get back to me with an answer regarding pay during the leave, etc. He sent me off with a "go get pregnant" and that was it.
All in all I guess it went as well as it could have. So why do I feel so guilty? My boss is a really great guy and I guess I hate feeling like I've disappointed him in some way. Oh well, taking this time off is the right thing for me, consequences be damned. I feel good that our chat is over with at least.
Now....what should I worry/obsess/freak-out over next?