It occurred to me yesterday that if this cycle of IVF isn't successful, I will be absolutely devestated. Seriously, I think I will just shut down. Now, this is a very dangerous thing because while the success rates are indeed very good, we are in no way guaranteed to get pregnant and have a healthy baby.
So how do I emotionally approach this upcoming IVF? On the one hand, I don't want to get crushed, but on the other hand, I do want to be excited and think positively as I do believe that helps things along. I talked to my mom and D about how they suggest I view it. The way we see it, there are essentially 3 options:
1. I can go into it expecting the worst but hoping for the best.
2. I can go into it expecting the best and worry about how I'll deal with emotional fallout if and when it becomes an issue.
3. I can try not to think about the outcome either way (yeah right!) and just try to be present for the ride.
I can think of pros and cons to all the strategies above. I'm leaning toward #2 because, well, I don't even want to consider the possibility that this IVF won't work, despite the fact that I could be playing with emotional fire.
I need your advice. What do you think I should do? If you were in my position, how you would set your emotional compass? How would you manage your expectations? Is there a 4th option I haven't considered?
I would be grateful for advice from anyone who cares to put in their two cents. Thanks in advance.
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8 comments:
Well, considering I tend to err on the side of pessimism, I would probably try to stick with option #3. I don't like having too much hope because there is a lot of pressure that comes with it. I'm of the opinion that if it's going to happen then it will happen and if not, then it won't. Having hope or not having hope won't make or break it.
I think it's going to be an overwhelming process, so just buckle down and immerse yourself in it, just don't drown in the worry that comes with cycling.
I think this is a lot of the reason I'm not ready for IVF. At this point when a cycle fails we are out a few hundred dollars and my heart is broken, but I can recover. I'm afraid of failing with IVF, so I know I'm not ready for it. I'm in awe that you guys are jumping right into it. I'm hoping and praying that all it will take is one time for you! :)HUGS.
I've been dealing with my infertility for years now. The conclusion I came to is that I need to have a plan for either outcome and I have to be OK with either. Vacation or redoing the nursery. I plan on the vacation, dream of the nursery.
Not getting my hopes up, not obsessing, are not options for me. The best I can do is to try and ride the ups and downs and not get swayed too much by either.
go for #3 Hil. Totally hard to do but #2 is asking for trouble since we know getting pregnant is by no means the end of your stressing, there is a whole pregnancy to follow that may bring disappointment (with us PCOS suffers especially). When its my time I think I will try for 'hope for the best but be prepared for the worst' mode. As in be sightly optimistic at all times but have a touch of realism that if something goes wrong I CAN come through the other side, with help from my friends and family. Hope this helps. - Neen from NZ
When it comes to such strong emotions there is no way you can tell yourself to feel.
You will feel they way you will, not because you decided to, or because the majority of your readers think you should but because your heart will take you that way.
You can't force it.
Stay as optimistic as you have been and everything will be ok.
Good luck with everything.
It's impossible not to get your hopes up when you invest so much financially and emotionally. No matter how hard I have tried, I have been unable to fully convince myself in any given cycle that it wasn't going to work and I need to hold off and just let myself by pleasantly surprised if it does. I think you have to just listen to your heart and if you get hopeful, go with it. That's what this infertility process is really all about anyways, right? If we didn't HOPE it would work, we wouldn't be doing it. Life is all about disappointment. If we anticipated it at every turn, I don't know that we'd ever move forward. Deal with the feelings as they come, I think you'll cheat yourself if you don't.
I think your best bet is to kinda stop thinking. Said the girl who thinks far too much. :-)
But seriously, some things just can't be planned out. How you will react to all infertility throws at you is one of those things. Chin up!
(((HUGS))), Hilary! I, personally, would try for number 3 but lean towards number 1 - I've always tried to be positive but it's just so damn hard with TTC sometimes...either way, I'll be sending positive thoughts your way that this is YOUR CYCLE!!!!!
Tiffany
I hoped for the best and assumed the worst. In the end, we were unbelievably lucky on our first try.
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