Um, I passed anxious about three weeks ago. People have noticed. Namely, my husband and my acupuncturist. My acupuncurist (Dr. T) seems to think that I could do with some unwinding. He seems to think that I will improve my IVF odds if I can try to relax a bit. Fair enough.
Only one teeny weeny problem: I have absolutely no idea how to go about doing that. I'm not, shall we say, the easygoing type. I asked Dr. T for some suggestions. He said I should pick up a guided imagery relaxation CD and listen to it a few times a week, maybe even every day. He also said I would probably benefit from some gentle yoga and breathing exercises. I will definitely try both of these things in hopes that they will help my unwind a bit.
I know exactly why I'm like this: I am a super-duper-high-strung-control-freak. Anyone who's met me know this. I don't like it when I have no influence on things that are important to me. And that pretty much sums up this IVF process in a nutshell. So, in order to compensate, I've gone overboard with obsessing about the the things I can actually control - like my health, my diet, my planning. Of course, this is only a tiny fraction of what goes into a successful IVF so, intellectually, I really don't know why I'm trying so hard.
My acupuncturist said that while we can do our best to put the odds in our favour, pregnancy achievement is still a miracle and there's a lot to it that we don't understand. This really spoke to me. I know I've talked about letting go of control in previous posts, but I've discovered it's not something that one can just release all in one go. It's a daily struggle for me to truly believe I just have to let things happen the way they will. I find it excruciatingly hard to accept that!
So I'll do what I can to wrap my mind around relaxing. It's not going to be easy but if I can put the same mental fortitude towards chilling out as I do to obsessing and controlling, I think I'll have a decent chance of getting to a place where I can just enjoy this ride.
Of all the things I thought would pose a challenge in this IVF cycle, it never occurred to me that letting go would be the biggest one.