Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Me? Anxious?

Um, I passed anxious about three weeks ago. People have noticed. Namely, my husband and my acupuncturist. My acupuncurist (Dr. T) seems to think that I could do with some unwinding. He seems to think that I will improve my IVF odds if I can try to relax a bit. Fair enough.

Only one teeny weeny problem: I have absolutely no idea how to go about doing that. I'm not, shall we say, the easygoing type. I asked Dr. T for some suggestions. He said I should pick up a guided imagery relaxation CD and listen to it a few times a week, maybe even every day. He also said I would probably benefit from some gentle yoga and breathing exercises. I will definitely try both of these things in hopes that they will help my unwind a bit.

I know exactly why I'm like this: I am a super-duper-high-strung-control-freak. Anyone who's met me know this. I don't like it when I have no influence on things that are important to me. And that pretty much sums up this IVF process in a nutshell. So, in order to compensate, I've gone overboard with obsessing about the the things I can actually control - like my health, my diet, my planning. Of course, this is only a tiny fraction of what goes into a successful IVF so, intellectually, I really don't know why I'm trying so hard.

My acupuncturist said that while we can do our best to put the odds in our favour, pregnancy achievement is still a miracle and there's a lot to it that we don't understand. This really spoke to me. I know I've talked about letting go of control in previous posts, but I've discovered it's not something that one can just release all in one go. It's a daily struggle for me to truly believe I just have to let things happen the way they will. I find it excruciatingly hard to accept that!

So I'll do what I can to wrap my mind around relaxing. It's not going to be easy but if I can put the same mental fortitude towards chilling out as I do to obsessing and controlling, I think I'll have a decent chance of getting to a place where I can just enjoy this ride.

Of all the things I thought would pose a challenge in this IVF cycle, it never occurred to me that letting go would be the biggest one.

8 comments:

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

I'm with you on this one. I, too, am a major control freak and I like to be on top of everything that is going on in my life. IF has definitely been challenging from that perspective. I will say that I've read studies that indicate that the more relaxed (I hate that word) a woman is before IVF or IUI, the better her odds are. It could be complete BS, but I've read it in a few places.

I think you're on the right track with trying to find things to occupy your mind. If you find a good relaxation CD, please let me know--I think I could use something like that. HUGS! :)

Marty said...

Hi - I saw your post - you are on the right track - relaxation helps the natural functions of the body work better. Go to www.thehealingmind.org - try out the free "stressbuster" as a sample -if you like, check out the longer relaxation and guided imagery CDs. If you don't, try www.healinngjourneys.com. Good luck

Barb said...

Oh man do I hear ya there. GL with the relaxing!

Your acu sounds great. Mine never gave me that very realistic sounding talk. She always gave me that bull that acupuncture and herbs can cure anything. :insert eye roll:

B

Melissa said...

super duper high strung control freak here, too, i am so with you!
why do people like us get stuck with infertility? it's freaking cruel.
sending relaxing vibes your way.

Future Mommy said...

We are so on the same page on this...all of my life, everyone around me from friends to family to healthcare providers have told me to learn how to relax and de-stress. Alrighty...well then tell me how to do that! I've been high strung all of my life - you don't just turn that off with a switch! I wish you well in working with your acupuncturist and on your own to reduce your anxiety levels and unwind!!!

kathy said...

Girlfriend...I have no clue how to tell you how to relax, but your methods sound good. Let me know if they work and I'll have to invest in some CD's myself!

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