Sunday, September 9, 2007

Implantation Spotting, Negative HPT

Yesterday's brown spotting came and went all day yesterday but never amounted to more than what could be detected by wiping. It was noticeable; but only because I was looking for it, scrutinizing every piece of toilet paper. I've noticed it again this morning, but again, it's still brown and very faint.

I really believe I am experiencing implantation spotting. For me, pre-period spotting usually follows a pattern of getting more abundant until it develops into a full-blown period, and this process usually happens within a few hours or a day at the most. This is totally different. This comes and goes and does not seem to be getting any more abundant.

I convinced myself last night that I am indeed pregnant. Even today I actually still feel quite positive about it. My gut is telling me that I am. However, I took a First Response HPT this morning and it was negative. But it is still so early, I'm only at 11 DPO and if I just implanted yesterday or the day before then I don't know why would think I would get a positive just yet. But still, it was a bit sad not to see those two beautiful pink lines, even though intellectually I know I'm being crazy for testing so early. I'm going to test again tomorrow and the next day and the next day until I get my positive result.

I also went to the clinic this morning to ask for a blood test requisition to check my progesterone levels. She also ordered a blood pregnancy test but told me not to get it for at least a week as she thinks it's still too early to get accurate results.

I spent the whole day with L yesterday, and we walked all around town. It was a lovely day, sunny and bright, I even got a bit of a sunburn. She is 18 weeks along now, just where I would have been if I had not miscarried. She's starting to show. I'm really trying to make an honest effort to not let it get to me, but I'm afraid on some level she will always serve as a sad reminder of what I've lost. But at least we're still friends. I do love her.