I still feel a bit sick today. And I still feel kinda weepy.
I had an interesting acupuncture appointment today. I told Dr. S that I found out that I didn't ovulate this cycle. He wasn't surprised. He said it was a bit ambitious of me to try again so soon after the miscarriage. He added that he would prefer that I wait for 3 to 6 cycles before actively trying again. I'm not totally opposed to waiting, but I am concerned because I'm already 30 (almost 31) and D is 35. I know that every year we wait it will get harder and harder to conceive. And plus, we don't want to be "old" parents. Dr. S says that 30 isn't old and in fact, I am one of his youngest patients.
I don't feel very young.
So I guess I'll think on that. And I'll see what Dr. R (my OB/GYN) has to say about my options at my appointment on Wednesday. I must admit, even just thinking about taking a break makes me feel sad. Like I'm giving up.
I've been "trying" for so long now, it's become part of my identity.
Dr. S asked me to describe what I'm feeling these days. God, where to start, I wondered. I'm glad he asked because it made me think about what was going on in my head. I came up with this:
-Jealousy (directed at all my pregnant friends and anyone in general who is pregnant or has an infant)
-Anger (at my body)
-Dispair (I doubt sometimes that I will ever have a baby or be happy)
All in all, an interesting appointment, even though I cried straight through it.