The Venus of Willendorf

Today was an anxious day. My heart was racing, palms sweaty, constantly felt like I had to catch my breath. I don't know why. Oh well, anxious is better than sad. I'll take anxious over sad any day.

I got the results of my Beta HCG tests from yesterday: 15. I can't believe it only went from 25 to 15. I really thought it would be lower than that. I've never been known as a patient person by any stretch of the imagination, but this waiting process totally sucks. The doctor thinks it will be at least another week, maybe two. All I want to do is get back on that TTC bandwagon. I know two weeks, in the grand scheme of things, isn't that much but man am I ever tired of waiting. I think if I'm at 10 or below next week, I might just throw caution to the wind and start taking the Provera to induce a period. It takes at least 10 days for it to kick in anyway, so I'd like to hope I'd be zero by then.

I decided not to wait until therapy comes to me and I decided to seek it out myself. I looked online for a "reproductive mental health psychologist" today and actually found one sort of close to my area. She's going to see me on Friday and I'm so happy. Ironically, when I got home today there was a message from the counselor I've been waiting to hear from (the one the doctor referred me to) saying that she can squeeze me in on August 21st. It was too late to call her back when I got home today, but I'll definitely call tomorrow. I'm thinking of taking both appointments.

I went to get a new battery for D's watch today on my lunch break. I ended up at this little Persian jewelry store, and while they fixed the watch, I found this tiny silver charm that was supposed to look like The Venus of Willendorf (an ancient fertility statue - look it up on Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venus_of_Willendorf). I thought it was a sign so I bought it. She's really cute and now I've got a new necklace. Hey, until the real therapy arrives, I'll take some retail therapy!