I haven't written in two days due to being, well, busy. But a lot has happened during this time and I'm excited to provide an update.
Started out as a regular old day, when half-way through I was reminded by R, a friend at work, that I had promised a few weeks ago that I (and two other people from work) would come by his house after work for a cocktail. Honestly, I had completely forgotten about it and I really didn't feel like going. But I felt obliged, so I decided to make an appearance.
I should backtrack here a bit to mention that my two other co-workers, along with myself, are the youngest people on staff at my job so we really click. Especially S and I, we get along famously. We often go for lunch and she has been really kind, offering her ear to me during my struggle to get out of depression. S is someone I'd really like to become closer friends with. She is just fantastic.
When we arrived at R's house after work, he had decked out his patio beautifully, and had put together an amazing array of appetizers and drinks. We all decided to have gin and tonics.
I swear I was just going to have one drink. But somehow, not completely unknown by me, my glass kept being refilled. I didn't say no. I must have had 6 drinks during the course of the evening. We talked, laughed and had truly a fantastic time. I honestly didn't expect to have so much fun. In the end, everyone was completely drunk, and at somepoint I think we were even ballroom dancing in the living room...(okay, as the evening wore on, much of it became a blur). It was a great night. I think I really needed it. It felt great to laugh so hard and just cut loose.
The next morning was brutal. I was completely hung. Oh lord I was hurting. Bad. But I had to go to work, so I sucked it up, drank a big glass of water, and knocked back a couple of ibuprofen. I dragged my sorry ass into the shower and started to get ready for work. And then it happend: I STARTED MY PERIOD!!! Shock and suprise!!! I've never been so happy to see my period. Since my last Beta HCG blood test was still at 15 (and the decline had slowed right down), the doctor told me that it would be at least another two weeks before I could induce a period. I rarely get my period on my own and usually have to induce it. But this time, it just happened!
This is amazing for a million reasons, namely, because 1) it means we can officially start another round of Clomid and start trying to conceive again and 2) that my PCOS eased up enough (maybe due the prior pregnancy) to actually allow me to have a natural period - which I am taking as a very good sign. Anyway, we start Clomid on Monday!
Also, I had my first counseling appointment yesterday. I met with Dr. V and broke down into tears within less than a minute of walking into her office. Tears are very close to the surface these days. We talked a lot and she told me a lot of things I already knew and a few I didn't. What I took away from the experience was what I can expect with the grief process going forward and some homework: I have to exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week; I have to read the book, "When Bad Things Happen To Good People", and I have to write in a journal, which is this blog, so I've got that one covered.
My next appointment with Dr. V is in two weeks.
I feel like the start of my period is the start of turning a major corner here. It marks the time where I can finally get out of this horrible limbo and at least start being proactive about trying to conceive again. Nothing will ever bring my baby back, but I finally feel like the dream isn't dead anymore. It's just changed a bit. Now my blog can finally start living up to its name. This is the first day of the rest of my life.