Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Low

I couldn't go to work today. I just couldn't.

I'm feeling really sad about L today. It's been so long since we talked and I'm so tempted to call or write a letter or something. But I just don't know if it's a good idea. I'm afraid it will make things weirder. We were so close not so long ago, we talked every day and saw each other all the time. But now, it seems like all that is so far in the past. Who could have guessed things would turn out like this? I miss her. I don't get it. I feel so, I dunno, rejected.

I guess I have to start accepting the fact that things will never be the same again.

I really want to move away, start fresh somewhere. I want a big change.

I had another Beta HCG blood test this morning, I'll get the results tomorrow. I would absolutely love it if I was at zero. I've got to be pretty close to that by now. It feels like I've been going through this process forever.

I don't know what else to write. Having a low day.