I went down to the beach today, found a quiet spot. I sat there and let calm and acceptance wash over me. It took several minutes for me to get into this mindset but once I was there I got to a place where I could finally, finally imagine having a healthy, baby. I thought about taking a positive test again, getting excited about the details with D, telling everyone at Christmas, belly getting larger, decorating the nursery, giving birth to a beautiful healthy baby just before summer. I pictured it in my mind, every detail, and almost felt the excitement as if it was happening now. It felt really good.
I think I'm going to sign up for yoga.