Friday, February 22, 2008

The Righteous Bloggy Ass Kicking Was Totally Called For

Thank you everyone, for the down-home bloggy ass kicking. It was well deserved and I really needed that. You guys are so right. I totally need to calm down.

I am finding it increasingly hard to maintain perspective these days. I know some of it is hormones, some of it is going through a previous loss, and some of it is just due to the fact that I am a high-strung anxiety-ridden, end-of-the-world, worry wart kind of gal. I wasn’t going to say anything, but I can’t keep secrets from you guys – I have been referred to the reproductive mental health counseling program at the hospital where I will give birth. At my last OB/GYN appointment, I think my doctor sensed my anxiety and while she did reassure me that it’s not uncommon in pregnancy, she does not want me to live in this fear that I constantly find myself in. And it’s not good for a parent to raise their child with that kind of fear. So she sent over a referral and there it is. I’m going for help. Unfortunately the soonest I can get in is March 31st. Ya gotta love the Canadian health care system. It’s free, so I can’t complain, but they sure don’t do anything in a hurry.

My doctor did end up calling me about an hour ago regarding my concerns over my cervix. Her exact words: “You’re fine. Get off the internet. I will tell you when there’s something to worry about. Don’t worry until I tell you to worry. They will check your cervix again at your 19 week scan. At this point, you’re at no more risk of going into preterm labour than the average person. You’re FINE. Take care.” And that was it.

*Exhaling now*

Thanks for putting up with me and still continuing to check in even though I have been a whiner extraordinaire. You guys will never know how much I appreciate each and every one of you. Got nothin’ but love for y'all.

xoxo

9 comments:

Mel said...

We love you, too, Hilary!!!
Just hate seeing anyone overly fraught with worry-I've watched my mom fight with anxiety her entire life and it really turned her in to a MESS. I am so glad you are going to be seeing someone to help you with that. Sometimes we have to let go of control and just have a little faith. George Michael is crazy, but he knows what's he's talking about. :)
*bigfathugs*

Baby Deux! said...

I fight anxiety (See one of my old posts about the elephants on my chest!) and it breaks my heart when I hear about other people in the same situation. IT SUX! :o) My hubby will tell you that I will take a situation to the extreme and it will turn out to be nothing yet I get myself all worked up.

You are not alone and sometimes I need a good butt kick too! :o)

MUCH LOVE!!!

Fertilize Me said...

Anxiety is so hard to control in these stages of life ) ya know .. worrying about staying the p-word) I can relate to some of that - and there is a fine line in just "trusting your body" when we have been there done that .. but with all that aside - you are going a great job .. Let yourself enjy this as much as you possibly can in small doses .. I found that the small doses are becoming more natural for me - the movements you feel help tremendously .. you are making it girlfriend!!

orodemniades said...

It's so hard for the infertile to 'just relax' and enjoy pregnancy. We worry extra hard because we know what can happen, we've seen our fellow bloggers go through so much (and have frequently gone through so much ourselves) that we just can't take it for granted.

Now, having said all that, I can tell you that with time, it does get easier. I swear. At some point, sooner or later, you'll realize that hey, you're no longer looking for blood on the tp, you know the rhythms of your baby's movements, you know what'll get him or her going, you no longer freak out at the idea of getting checked at the OB's.

You might be surprised to find yourself, y'know, actually enjoying your pregnancy! And believe you me, that's a good damned day.

You're going to be fine. You've got us to bounce things off of until the 31st, mmkay?

Ally said...

Hilary, you've been through a lot and it makes sense that you'd be a bit of a basket case at times with Scrappy. Just know that we love you and want you to be able to enjoy this precious time with Scrappy, too. You're both doing so beautifully and it will be an amazing moment when Scrappy is finally in your arms!

christina(apronstrings) said...

no one blames you for being so stressed, there's a lot going on in your life right now. do you work? i can't remember? if you don't how about getting a part time job, to keep your mind off of it for a few hours a day??

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Just take care of yourself, eh? and enjoy.

Barb said...

It's ok Hilary! I'm glad you feel better and are going to have some help! We all could use it at one time or another. Best wishes!

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