Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Click...Click...Click...

It's a new day.

The anxiety has been coming in waves and at the moment, I'm feeling pretty good. I am excited, optimistic and empowered by extreme organization.

I've got a short (30 minute) massage scheduled for tonight, which I could not be more enthusiastic about. From all the recent worrying, my shoulders have become so stiff they're practically touching my ears.

I've boarded the rollercoaster and locked that safety bar firmly on my lap. The ride has slowly started click...click...clicking forward. I'm on my way.

This will be a very interesting few weeks to say the least. Between the meds and the anticipation, I can't imagine how I'll feel one, two or even three weeks from today. I imagine every day will certainly bring a new adventure - good and bad. (Fingers crossed for mostly good.)

D and my 5 year wedding anniversary will be coming up on November 23rd. I was folding laundry while D was sitting in bed last night, when I reminded him of this fact. I jokingly said, "we better go nuts and do something crazy because this may very well be the last anniversary that we have that's just...us". The minute the statement came out of my mouth, the reality of what we're doing hit me all over again with the force of a grand piano dropped from 30 storeys. I only hope we'll be so lucky.

This is, without a doubt, the most intensive, intensely intense process I've ever been lucky enough to experience. I've never lived so hard.

3 comments:

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I fully understand the anxiousness, the in-between feeling, when you really want to allow yourself to day dream what the future will be like but you try not to because of the disappointments you've already had.

I call it my 'I need to DO something' feeling. Can't sit still.

But you have a time line ahead of you and thats good, you know when things will happen and that will really help the time pass.

Focus on the positive.

...I think I'm turning into a woman...

Melissa said...

You and me both, Hilary.
Here's hoping this is your last anniversary alone!

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