I'm home from work today. I've been feeling a bug coming on and last night it hit full force. I did try to go into the office but they sent me home right away. Fine with me. I'm ultra-depressed today and am quite happy not to have to deal with work.
At least I know now why my temp has gone up - I've got a fever! All makes sense now. I was stupid to get so excited about possibly being pregnant. I had all these symptoms, my period was late, temps going up, and I thought OMG this is it. Come to find out I didn't even ovulate this cycle. I've totally made something from nothing.
So why would I ovulate (and get pregnant) on 100mg of Clomid before but not even ovulate on the same dose this time? It doesn't make any sense. Am I considered "Clomid resistant" now? Is it because of the miscarriage? I totally don't get it; I thought Clomid forced your ovaries to ovulate. Should I be considering alternative therapies?
More importantly, should I just give up? I mean, what's the point if it's all just amounting to disappointment and frustration. D and I talked about putting our "trying" on hold for a while, just to give ourselves a break from all these ups and downs. On the one hand, it sounds like a good idea; I'm tired of feeling so wrecked. On the other hand, I'm 30 (and D is 35) and I know my clock is ticking at this age. We talked about adoption last night too. Maybe that's the road we should take instead. Although, truthfully, I really want my own child.
I don't know what to do. All I can say trying for a baby feels completely hopeless now. I'm honestly starting to doubt if it will ever happen for us.
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3 comments:
This is just your second cycle with Clomid, right, and the first one resulted in a pregnancy? Those are pretty good odds! For the average 30-something couple, it takes six months to conceive, often a lot more. Ovulation and well-timed sex are NOT a guarantee of conception for anyone.
It’s certainly a good thing to look at all your options, but I wouldn’t rule out the possibility of having a successful pregnancy just yet.
…Then again pregnancy isn’t the end-all-be-all. You still have to live your life!
I hope you feel better soon. Be good to yourself.
I read these entries and think "I could have easily written each of them. This is me, my life. My day to day thoughts". How odd to know I have a doppleganger not in the tradtional sense of the word but in this small but vital area.
I heart aches for you and your ovaries that won't do what they are supposed to do.
If anything gives me any comfort, it's hearing from other women going through this too. I hate that anyone has to struggle with this process of trying for a baby; but at least we're in it together.
Thank you for the comment, it is truly appreciated.
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