Thursday, September 13, 2007

Sick & Tired

I'm home from work today. I've been feeling a bug coming on and last night it hit full force. I did try to go into the office but they sent me home right away. Fine with me. I'm ultra-depressed today and am quite happy not to have to deal with work.

At least I know now why my temp has gone up - I've got a fever! All makes sense now. I was stupid to get so excited about possibly being pregnant. I had all these symptoms, my period was late, temps going up, and I thought OMG this is it. Come to find out I didn't even ovulate this cycle. I've totally made something from nothing.

So why would I ovulate (and get pregnant) on 100mg of Clomid before but not even ovulate on the same dose this time? It doesn't make any sense. Am I considered "Clomid resistant" now? Is it because of the miscarriage? I totally don't get it; I thought Clomid forced your ovaries to ovulate. Should I be considering alternative therapies?

More importantly, should I just give up? I mean, what's the point if it's all just amounting to disappointment and frustration. D and I talked about putting our "trying" on hold for a while, just to give ourselves a break from all these ups and downs. On the one hand, it sounds like a good idea; I'm tired of feeling so wrecked. On the other hand, I'm 30 (and D is 35) and I know my clock is ticking at this age. We talked about adoption last night too. Maybe that's the road we should take instead. Although, truthfully, I really want my own child.

I don't know what to do. All I can say trying for a baby feels completely hopeless now. I'm honestly starting to doubt if it will ever happen for us.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is just your second cycle with Clomid, right, and the first one resulted in a pregnancy? Those are pretty good odds! For the average 30-something couple, it takes six months to conceive, often a lot more. Ovulation and well-timed sex are NOT a guarantee of conception for anyone.

It’s certainly a good thing to look at all your options, but I wouldn’t rule out the possibility of having a successful pregnancy just yet.

…Then again pregnancy isn’t the end-all-be-all. You still have to live your life!

I hope you feel better soon. Be good to yourself.

Anonymous said...

I read these entries and think "I could have easily written each of them. This is me, my life. My day to day thoughts". How odd to know I have a doppleganger not in the tradtional sense of the word but in this small but vital area.

I heart aches for you and your ovaries that won't do what they are supposed to do.

Hilary, In a Nutshell: said...

If anything gives me any comfort, it's hearing from other women going through this too. I hate that anyone has to struggle with this process of trying for a baby; but at least we're in it together.

Thank you for the comment, it is truly appreciated.

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