Friday, September 14, 2007

And If At First You Don't Succeed

I'm home from work again today. Truthfully, I really do still feel sick; I'm hot and cold, and my head is all stuffed up. But even if I did feel better, I'm not sure if I would go in today. It's Friday after all, and I may as well just enjoying having this time off.

I've been up and down today; but trying to keep my positive affirmations from yesterday in mind. Part of me is really sad because I am sincerely starting to doubt if having a baby is ever going to be in the cards for us. I mean, if Clomid can't even make me ovulate, then what chance could we possibly have? On the other hand, I'm anxious and excited to keep trying; I'm ready to put myself once again in the very industrious hands of modern medicine. There must be something that can be done for me. I'm going to talk to my doctor about Femara, and maybe Follistim(?) shots, when I see her on Wednesday. We'll see what she says about that option.

I've been watching cooking shows all morning. My favourites are Chef at Home, Chef at Large, Everyday Italian and Barefoot Contessa. Watching these shows has inspired me even more to quit work and just stay home and take care of the house and D. I would LOVE to be a stay-at-home-wife-and-someday-mom. We'll know if it's going to be possible in October; that's when D has his review at work and hopefully he will get a nice raise that will mean my working days are numbered.

I know there are women who have infertility circumstances way worse than mine. And a lot of them have gone on to have perfect babies. I think I need to work on my patience a bit more. Even though D and I have been trying for over a year, I've only ovulated once in that time and I got pregnant that cycle. I'm willing to do whatever is neccessary to increase my chances - shots, IUI, meds, anything. It's not time to give up yet.

I can say one thing: Our baby will be the most appreciated and loved baby in the world. When you've had to work so hard for something, I can't imagine ever taking a single day for granted.