Being worried, nervous and anxious all the time is simply exhausting. Last night, my breasts stopped hurting and I didn't feel pregnant at all. I worked myself into a nervous lather as a flood of negative thoughts rushed into my brain.
Now, the logical part of my brain knows that it's normal for pregnancy symptoms - especially breast tenderness - to come and go throughout pregnancy. But the emotional part of my brain just lost it last night; I barely slept at all, tossing and turning and being worried. I am finding this aspect of my persona impossible to control. I want to blame my anxiety on the fact that we went through a miscarriage last summer, but truthfully, I am just a worry-wart by nature. I know that. Of course, the miscarriage experience does not help matters.
This morning I woke up and I still don't feel much different. I don't know what's going on, but I'm trying not to let it get the better of me. I think, deep down, I feel positive and confident...but I'm finding those good feelings can be so easily overshadowed by the horrible ones.
The ultrasound is only 48 hours [update: now 24 hours] away. I go from being confident to nervous to terrified, and all the way back around, on a minute to minute basis, it seems.
Please send some good thoughts/vibes/energy/prayers our way in hopes that we will see a nice, strong heartbeat on Wednesday morning. I'd really appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart.
Thanks so much, everyone. Happy New Year!