Monday, December 31, 2007

Please

Being worried, nervous and anxious all the time is simply exhausting. Last night, my breasts stopped hurting and I didn't feel pregnant at all. I worked myself into a nervous lather as a flood of negative thoughts rushed into my brain.

Now, the logical part of my brain knows that it's normal for pregnancy symptoms - especially breast tenderness - to come and go throughout pregnancy. But the emotional part of my brain just lost it last night; I barely slept at all, tossing and turning and being worried. I am finding this aspect of my persona impossible to control. I want to blame my anxiety on the fact that we went through a miscarriage last summer, but truthfully, I am just a worry-wart by nature. I know that. Of course, the miscarriage experience does not help matters.

This morning I woke up and I still don't feel much different. I don't know what's going on, but I'm trying not to let it get the better of me. I think, deep down, I feel positive and confident...but I'm finding those good feelings can be so easily overshadowed by the horrible ones.

The ultrasound is only 48 hours [update: now 24 hours] away. I go from being confident to nervous to terrified, and all the way back around, on a minute to minute basis, it seems.

Please send some good thoughts/vibes/energy/prayers our way in hopes that we will see a nice, strong heartbeat on Wednesday morning. I'd really appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart.

Thanks so much, everyone. Happy New Year!

12 comments:

Barb said...

I so understand hon even if I'm not pg. I can imagine having the same feelings all the time.

Lots of good wishes!

Ally said...

Hilary, I think it's completely normal that you're analyzing every feeling coming from your body. Even after you go for your ultrasound and get FABULOUS results, you'll probably still worry. It's an annoying side-effect of IF, unfortunately. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Fertilize Me said...

I didnt star feeling "pregnant" and my boobs didnt hurt until the 10th week. Then they didn't hurt, they were swollen and tingled. Hang in there - sending you good vibes

Anonymous said...

GOOD LUCK! GOOD LUCK!

Giantspeedbump said...

Hey there, I can relate to your sense of anxiety...but just take it day by day and before you know it you'll be holding Scrappy in your arms. Oh and if you don't follow the blog, "A Little Pregnant" check it out...she's in the same boat and has a really great attitude and sense of humour...such a source of inspiration. all the best!

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

I completely understand. Sending lots of positive energy and HUGS your way! :)

Veronica said...

Sending all my good thoughts your way. You deserve this!

sarah23 said...

My thoughts are with you. I can't wait to read that everything looks great. Go Scrappy!! :)

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Good Luck today, enjoy it!

Melissa said...

First, Happy New Year!
I am desperately waiting to hear the update from today's U/S. I am hoping to hear the best news!
*hugs*
And ps-as impossible as it is, "try" not to overworry!!

Anonymous said...

How did your u/s go Hilary? Thinking of you and sending lots of positive energy.

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