Details, Details

Yesterday's IVF Orientation was a whirlwind. The first thing they did was a baseline ultrasound on my uterus and ovaries. My uterus lining was thin, but my doctor (another Dr. T, not Dr. T the acupuncurist) said that was to be expected at this time in my cycle. She also said they look at the surface of the uterus at this time for polyps or uneven texture; my uterus showed a smooth surface. Noteably, yesterday was CD11 and I noticed some breakthrough spotting. Apparently this can happen on your first cycle of birth control pills.

Then, she looked at my ovaries. She said they looked good and saw approximately 13 antral follicles on my right ovary and 11 antral follicles on my left ovary. Apparently the average for my age is 10-15 on each side so I am right on track. I actually expected more follicles, due to the PCOS, but I'm not complaining.

Afterwards, I was escorted by Nurse D (who by the way is the best nurse ever) into a small meeting room where she would go over the procedure and answer my billions of questions. Turns out that Nurse D and I share the same birthday! I liked her right off. First she walked me through what would happen in the IVF, step by step. Then, we went over an estimated calendar of dates. We talked about the medications, and what might be covered by my private insurance. She showed me how to notify the nursing staff of my daily status while doing the stims, and lastly we went over the consent forms and other legal stuff.

One issue that came up was that Dr. T believes our chances of success are good enough that we should only transfer back one embryo, and she noted this in our chart. D and I want to transfer back two, because not only does that give us a better success rate, but also, we'd love twins. Dr. T wasn't available to discuss this in detail so I sent her an email. I'll let you know how she responds.

Then, it came time for the "practice" injection. I knew it was coming and I wasn't scared (much). I was even a little excited if you can believe it. Nurse D showed me how to draw up the medication, mix it in the syringe, put on the needle, etc. I pinched a bit of belly skin and braced myself. And then I just started laughing uncontrollably. You know how you have a mental barrier against inflicting pain on yourself? You know how you can't really hit or slap yourself with any kind of serious force? Well that feeling made it really hard for me to put that needle in. It was quite funny to me (hence the laughing), how mentally I wanted to do it but physically there was a such a strong, almost magnetic force stopping me. I must have had that skin pinched for close to 10 minutes and when I finally got the needle in I think I was so numb from the pinching that I didn't even feel it! It was easy. The needle was so small (not much bigger than an acupuncture needle) that I barely felt it. I can definitely do this!

I asked Nurse D to level with me. I said I wanted her to tell me what kind of chances she thought we have of success, knowing what she knows about our case. She said "I don't sugar-coat things. I would never tell someone that they have a great chance of success when they don't - I think it's mean. You have a great chance. Of course there are no guarantees in anything, but we feel that you and D have the odds well in your favour and Dr. T and I are really cheering for you guys." That made me feel great. I really believed that she was telling the truth. She also said, "I think you have to go into this process with optimism and confidence." And that, my friends, is just what I'm going to try to do.

OK so my calendar looks something like this:
-Last birth control pill and start nasal spray on November 11
[Update: Nasal spray will start on November 4]
-Expect period sometime around November 11-18
-The fun begins shortly thereafter

The timing of everything depends entirely on 1) how fast my period begins after the birth control pills are stopped and 2) how long it takes my ovaries to stimulate to the desired amount/size.

We figured out that the earliest possible date for egg retrieval would be November 25, and the latest possible date would be December 4. So basically, it will happen sometime in this window; and the transfer would be either 3 or 5 days after the egg retrieval (fingers crossed for 5!!).

I'm still reeling from the experience. I have so much to do to get ready and it really is coming up fast. I learned so much yesterday, but probably the biggest thing I took away from the experience was that it's REAL and it's HAPPENING.

IVF Orientation

I just got home from the big IVF Orientation today - lasted almost 4 hours! I am dying to write a giant post about it but everything that happened is still swimming around in my head and I don't know where to start. So, I'm going to stew on it until tomorrow morning and then write a detailed post when I'm thinking a little more clearly. Plus, I have to run to my acupuncture appointment in a few minutes so I gotta run for now...

But I will leave you with this (until tomorrow):

-Looks like I have a total of approximately 24 follicles!
-I gave myself a "practice" injection today - and it didn't hurt at all!
-They practically gave me a binder's worth of information - lots to read and do!
-It's all good!

Kitty Update

THANK YOU to everyone who sent those lovely prayers our way. They meant the world to us.

Buddha came home last night and seems to be OK, albeit a little worse for wear from the ordeal.

We think that he chewed part of a plastic bag and that my have "upset" his insides somehow. The vet suspected that maybe it caused a small blockage. The vet did some x-rays and gave him some medicine and that seems to have calmed things down.

I am so grateful to have my little Bear back. He is such a good boy, it was awful to see him so miserable.

I was so focused on the other stuff going on in my life, it's funny how a little cat can [temporarily] make that all go out the window.

Please Send A Prayer For My Cat

We woke up this morning to discover that one of our cats was very sick. We rushed him to the emergency vet and they're holding him there at the moment. They can't figure out what is wrong with him and they're running a billion tests.

He is scared. I am scared. My husband is scared. We love that little guy so very much.

His name is "Buddha", but we call him "Buddha-Bear" or just plain "Bear".

Please send prayers, good energy, thoughts his way.

Me? Anxious?

Um, I passed anxious about three weeks ago. People have noticed. Namely, my husband and my acupuncturist. My acupuncurist (Dr. T) seems to think that I could do with some unwinding. He seems to think that I will improve my IVF odds if I can try to relax a bit. Fair enough.

Only one teeny weeny problem: I have absolutely no idea how to go about doing that. I'm not, shall we say, the easygoing type. I asked Dr. T for some suggestions. He said I should pick up a guided imagery relaxation CD and listen to it a few times a week, maybe even every day. He also said I would probably benefit from some gentle yoga and breathing exercises. I will definitely try both of these things in hopes that they will help my unwind a bit.

I know exactly why I'm like this: I am a super-duper-high-strung-control-freak. Anyone who's met me know this. I don't like it when I have no influence on things that are important to me. And that pretty much sums up this IVF process in a nutshell. So, in order to compensate, I've gone overboard with obsessing about the the things I can actually control - like my health, my diet, my planning. Of course, this is only a tiny fraction of what goes into a successful IVF so, intellectually, I really don't know why I'm trying so hard.

My acupuncturist said that while we can do our best to put the odds in our favour, pregnancy achievement is still a miracle and there's a lot to it that we don't understand. This really spoke to me. I know I've talked about letting go of control in previous posts, but I've discovered it's not something that one can just release all in one go. It's a daily struggle for me to truly believe I just have to let things happen the way they will. I find it excruciatingly hard to accept that!

So I'll do what I can to wrap my mind around relaxing. It's not going to be easy but if I can put the same mental fortitude towards chilling out as I do to obsessing and controlling, I think I'll have a decent chance of getting to a place where I can just enjoy this ride.

Of all the things I thought would pose a challenge in this IVF cycle, it never occurred to me that letting go would be the biggest one.

Detox Baby, Detox

On my acupuncturist's recommendation, I went out and bought a 12-day detox kit. Specifically, I bought the Wild Rose Herbal D-Tox which is comprised of three different herbal formulations and one tincture, to be taken along with breakfast and dinner for 12 straight days. There is also a fairly strict diet to follow during the 12-day detox. While it is very doable, one must avoid dairy, all flours, all sugars, all tropical fruit, peanuts, mushrooms and a whole holy host of other delectable foodies that usually comprise the bulk of my meals and snacks.

I've used this detox kit in the past, and I've had good results with it, although admittedly, I've never lasted for the whole 12 days. But this time will be different. My acupuncturist (backed up by some articles I've read recently) felt fairly confident that doing a system detox prior to the IVF can only help things; and of course, I want to give myself every possible advantage. I still have four weeks before I will likely start the stims, and six weeks before the actual IVF. You had better believe I am going to be getting myself into the best possible healthy shape during this time, starting with this detox.

To be fair, I am usually fairly health conscious. I always try to eat organically, and I have very strictly limited caffeine, sugars and processed foods as long as I've been TTCing. I have exercised at least 3 days a week for as long as I can remember. Having said that though, I do believe I could do with a good detox. I live in the middle of downtown in a busy city and it's impossible not to come into contact with at least a few nasty free-radical causing chemicals, and yes, I do *very occasionally* indulge in some fantastically tasty junk food.

So the detox starts this weekend. I'm going to do a big ol' organic shop on Saturday and get all my "allowed" foods in stock so I can be as prepared as possible. This should be an interesting 12 days and you just know, my dear readers, that I'll be keeping you posted with all the gory details every step of the way.

Sparkling clean insides...here I come!

I Survived The Baby Fair

...and lived to tell the tale.

It was a dark, cold and rainy morning at the Vancouver Convention Centre. Strollers were approaching the Exhibit Hall by the masses. The sound of crying and fussing babies was clearly audible amidst the kiddy music playing at the end of the large, crowded room. I was pushed and shoved toward the booths by the giant sea of pregnant bellies surrounding me, like cattle to the slaughter...

Actually it wasn't too bad. I only got a bit choked up twice; once when a woman asked me if I was pregnant. I recoiled and blurted out a very bitter "No!". She was a bit taken aback by this brazen answer, I could tell. The second time was when I was getting a complimentary facial (which was awesome, by the way) and the women giving the facial said, "When are you going to catch up to your friend here [pregnant L] and have a baby too?". That was too much. I answered boldly by saying, "Um actually I WAS pregnant and I recently miscarried". That shut her up for about 3 seconds. Then she went on to tell me about how her sister was pregnant and today is officially 12 weeks for her so she can start telling everyone blah blah blah.

All in all, I handled things better than I could have dreamed. And I walked away with a bunch of free samples of lotions and potions and all kinds of goodies. It was a pretty good morning.

But it did make me feel even more anxious to have a baby, if that's even possible. I really hope my turn is coming up soon. I am so ready.