Lest You Think I Jest

My extreme displeasure with the last photo of the bruises on my stomach forced me to re-do my sexy photoshoot in better light. This pic gives a much better idea of the bruises and welts I speak of. All the colours of the rainbow...

Revealed - Stim Day 5

Well, everyone in my office knows about the IVF now.

I wish I could blame the office gossip channels but actually it was me. I spilled the beans. This is my last week of work before I take a short leave of absence to go through the IVF procedure (barring nothing goes wrong to prevent moving forward). I want plenty of time to have the procedure and go through the 2WW without worrying about work or dealing with any kind of stress at all.

My boss suggested that I send a short email to let everyone know that I would be away from the office, which I did this morning. I should have known sending an email like that would get people asking questions. Questions I just couldn't not answer. As it turns out, I really like talking about it.

It started with quietly telling one person about the IVF, then two, then three four five and before I knew it, I had told practically everyone. Like I said, I really like to talk about it.

At first I was worried because I thought it would make things weird if everyone knew. But something happened today that changed my mind. One of my co-workers said, "I'm going to ask my wife to include you in her prayers at her Monday night prayer group." Now I am not a religious person by any stretch of the imagination. But something about this offer of prayer was so comforting, and it was one of the nicest things anyone has said to me during this process. I don't think my co-worker knows how much I truly appreciated this kind gesture.

So now I'm of the opinion that it doesn't matter who knows. It's not a secret. And if I can get some extra good thoughts, good energy, good luck, and good prayers coming my way, well, all the better. I really believe that stuff works.

In recent stim news, my lower abdomen is getting quite bruised (I might try to take another photo) and has become extremely sore. While I was showing one of my co-workers how I give myself the injections, I pinched part of my belly to illustrate, not realizing until too late that I pinched a recent injection site and wow did it send a wave of hot purple soreness through my gut. Won't be doing THAT again.

Next blood test tomorrow. I really hope the results are good.

Battle Scars & Yawning Cat

Wow three posts in one day. That's got to be my record.

I just found my digital camera and had to take a photo of my abdomen so you can all see the bruises. I'm disappointed in the photos I took however; none of them really capture the redness and bruises as much as I hoped they would. In fact, you can barely see them. But I swear they're there! Oh well.

Also, how cute is the picture? I've been giggling at it ever since I took it. Ah Pippin, you slay me.

OK I Lied

Ya know how, just a few short hours ago, on the bottom of my last post I wrote something to the effect of "I'm going to try not to stress about it" (with regard to my high E2 level)?

Well, shortly after I wrote that, I started searching Dr. Google and well, basically worked myself into a foaming-at-the-mouth balls out lather me up frenzy of panic. I employed such key words as "high E2 day 4 of stims doomed" and "E2 over 1000 IVF failed". Let me tell you, there is a lot of bad news on the internet.

So I finally just bit the bullet emailed my doctor about my concern. And being the incredibly great doctor she is, she emailed back within a few hours (which is amazing for a Sunday).

This was her response:

"Hi Hilary,
Nope, it's not too high. This is usually a very good sign. We like the
E2 to be around 400-800. If it's a little higher we just back off a
bit. If it was over 2,000 or less than 300 I would be worried. It
likely means you have lots of follicles growing.
Take care"

To say this reply made me feel better is an understatement. Sweet, sweet relief.

Slow Down, Ya Move Too Fast - Stim Day 4

Well I think the meds are finally getting to me.

My good mood in the morning quickly deteriorated into something black and foul. I've been crabby and mean all day. Even though I know this about myself, I just can't seem to help it. My husband is a saint today.

Oh and I seem to have lost my marbles as well. I have been forgetting stuff, important stuff, all day. Here's a prime example of what I'm talking about: I had to take my Repronex with me to my morning blood draw, as they like to measure you BEFORE you shoot yourself up full of the meds (more on the results of the blood draw below). Afterwards, I told the nurse that I had to do my AM injection and asked if there was there a room I could use. She kindly escorted me to an empty room and told me to take all the time I needed.

--As an aside, the room contained a table with stirrups, and all kinds of other stuff that made me realize that I was in a room where they actually do the procedures - IUI, IVF and the like. I noticed a biohazard container full of used catheters (of course I had to look in - it said biohazard, didn't it?) and I wondered, were there embryos in those catheters recently? I know this sounds crazy, but being in that room made everything feel so real, all over again.--

Back to my story. So I was preparing my supplies and I got everything ready to go. Just before I was going to inject myself, the injection needle skidded across the table I was sitting at. I only brought one needle and I thought, I'm screwed, there's no way I can use this needle now. But ah, then I remembered where I was. So I interrupted the nurse and asked her for a replacement needle, which she gave me. I went back to the room, finished the injection, threw the wrappers and empty bottles in the garbage and left. As I proceeded to the parking lot, that's when it hit me: Did I remember to mix my medication???

As it turns out, no, I didn't. Sure I injected myself, but only with the saline. I gasped in horror and ran back to the clinic. I felt so stupid. I again interrupted the kindly nurse and told her what I did. She looked confused, like she couldn't imagine who in their right mind could forget to mix their medication? She actually said, "Wow those hormones must really be affecting you!". She gave me fresh supplies and led me back into the empty room which I inhabited only 10 minutes earlier. And when I dug through the garbage, sure enough, I found the unused Repronex (powder) bottle - for those of you playing along at home, that's the IMPORTANT part of the medication. I did the whole thing over again. Yes, I gave myself two injections this morning. The first one was just for fun I guess.

-----

The nurse called a few minutes ago with the results of today's estradiol blood test = 1066. Considering it was below 100 when before I started the injections, she said I was stimulating a tad too fast. She instructed me to lower my dosage of Gonal F and come back on Tuesday for my next blood test. Of course I wanted to hear that everything is perfect and I am stimulating beautifully, and while this is not ideal, the nurse didn't seem too worried about it. I guess the alternative - not stimulating at all- would be worse. I'm going to try not to stress about it.

I think I shall continue to stew in my own unholy wretched bad mood for the remainder of the day.

A Rainbow Of Fruit Flavours - Stim Day 3

Yesterday and today have gone fairly smoothly. No major incidents to report, thank goodness. Tomorrow morning at 8:00am I will go in for my first stimulated blood test. I'm a bit nervous, as thoughts of non-responsive ovaries, giant ovarian cysts and other disturbing fears like that have been flashing in my head.

My stomach is getting increasingly more colourful with every injection. It seems that almost exactly 7 hours after each injection, a nice red welt forms and by the next day, the red welt turns into a blue-ish/yellow-ish bruise. Lovely colours! I am going to take a picture to post so you can all see what I"m talking about. I have to find my digital camera first, but hopefully I can do this tomorrow.

I haven't really noticed any other medication-related points of interest. I thought that I noticed some ovarian achiness in my left ovary yesterday (and of course I worried - why isn't my right ovary responding??), but in hindsight, now I think it was just gas.

So far so good!

Save The Drama For Your Momma - Stim Day 2

Last night sent me plummeting into a teary emotional fallout. Could it be that the meds are affecting my moods already?

After last night's acupuncture appointment, I looked at my watch only to discover that I had laid there with needles in me for a lot longer than I thought. I panicked when I realized that I only had 18 minutes to get home before I had to take my next injection.

I don't have a car. I ran to the bus stop just in time to see the bus whoosh by as I approached (this particular bus only comes every 30 minutes or so). I called for a taxi and was assured that one would be there in a minute or two. I waited at least 15 minutes and no one showed up. I tried to hail taxis on the street but even though their lights were on, no one was stopping. I should add that it was raining, making matters worse.

I called the taxi dispatch again. I was told by an unsympathetic dispatcher there were "no cars in the area now", but it shouldn't be long. He added, "maybe you should try to take a bus". That's when I lost it. Much to my surprise, I started crying while I was on the phone with taxi dispatch. I tearfully pleaded my case but he said there was nothing he could do. I hung up and sobbed. Sobbed. On the street. In the middle of downtown. I think I actually wailed. It was uncontrollable. I want to blame the injections or my period for this but I don't know if it's justified.

About 10 minutes later, my taxi finally arrived. I got home and D quickly ushered me into the house and helped me to lay out my injection supplies. I did my injection, albeit about 20 minutes late. Oh well. Notably, the Gonal-F injections hurt considerably less than the Repronex. It doesn't sting nearly as much.

More drama this morning. I prepared the Repronex injection skillfully and on time. I thought it went smoothly until I removed the needle from my abdomen and somehow pressed on the plunger again only to cause a fine spray of medication to escape from the needle in an arc-like fashion. I don't know how much medication was lost, but it was certainly some. Without hesitation, I jammed that needle back into my gut - one more time, with feeling. I pushed the plunger down as hard as I could just to ensure that I injected every last drop. It's amazing how when you really want to inject yourself, you don't think about it for a second, you just do it.

I wonder how much medication was lost. I hope it wasn't too much. I'm trying not to worry about it. I kinda think that they wouldn't put this stuff in the hands of lay people if it was a critically exact science. Oh well, there's nothing I can do about it now.

Here's hoping for a much less dramatic injection tonight.