I have decided to end this blog.
The Trying Game is all about my struggles with PCOS, infertility and trying for a baby. Now that my daughter is finally here, I thought it seemed fitting to close the chapter on this part of my life and start a new blog chronicling my life as a new mum to Maya. My challenge is no longer getting and staying pregnant, it's navigating new parenthood and all that it entails.
I hope you'll stop by and visit me in my new digs. You can find my birth story there as well.
The next chapter, my new blog is called Maya Papaya and can be found here.
Thank you to each and every one of you who have read The Trying Game, commented and supported me over the last year. I seriously would not have survived without you.
With love,
Hilary
Friday, August 29, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Look Who Finally Showed Up
Our beautiful daughter Maya.
Born on Sunday, August 24th, at 2:03am.
7lbs 10oz, 20 inches long.
Without further ado, here she is (we couldn't find our good camera at the last minute so we took all these photos on D's iPhone - apologies for the quality...):
We are so in love!
Maya is perfect and gorgeous in every way. She is such a sweet, funny baby and smells exactly like vanilla cake baking in the oven. I have never known love like this, never.
And I have a crazy insane birth story to share with you guys... complete with my water suddenly breaking in the car and a whirlwind 5-hour super speedy (but very smooth) labour. We just got home from the hospital last night and I'm still getting settled, but keep checking in for our birth story which I will try to post in the next couple of days...Stay tuned!
xoxo
Hilary
Born on Sunday, August 24th, at 2:03am.
7lbs 10oz, 20 inches long.
Without further ado, here she is (we couldn't find our good camera at the last minute so we took all these photos on D's iPhone - apologies for the quality...):
We are so in love!
Maya is perfect and gorgeous in every way. She is such a sweet, funny baby and smells exactly like vanilla cake baking in the oven. I have never known love like this, never.
And I have a crazy insane birth story to share with you guys... complete with my water suddenly breaking in the car and a whirlwind 5-hour super speedy (but very smooth) labour. We just got home from the hospital last night and I'm still getting settled, but keep checking in for our birth story which I will try to post in the next couple of days...Stay tuned!
xoxo
Hilary
Saturday, August 23, 2008
40w6d
Big surprise, I'm still preggers.
The hospital is having me do formal kick counts from here on out and I am very happy to report that Maya has so far exceeded her kick quota on all counts thus far. Thank goodness.
The contractions I was having yesterday (from the second membrane stripping) have more or less tapered off completely. I have felt a few here and there this morning, but barely noticeable.
I can't help but wonder what would happen if I was pregnant, say, 50 years ago. Obviously, I wouldn't be pregnant at all back then because we conceived by IVF. However, let's say I was pregnant... Just how overdue can a baby go on it's own without induction? My aunt was apparently pregnant for an extra month. Another person I talked to said they went three weeks overdue. At some point, does the baby always come out, or can they stay in forever? I realize my measly 6 days overdue is nothing compared to how overdue some women go, despite the fact that I feel like the most pregnant woman ever to exist. But I do wonder, with no medical intervention, just how long would this go on?
I have pretty much given up hope of having this baby girl the way I had imagined, and have resigned myself to the idea that we'll probably have induction. I had a bit of a cry about that this morning, just because this is probably going to be our only child and this is not the birth experience I had wanted or expected. I had always dreamed of a natural birth, with minimal intervention. Letting go of my attachment to my ideal birth experience did make me feel sad, but truthfully, as long as Maya arrives healthy and safe, it really doesn't much matter how she gets here. As long as she gets here and she is perfect, healthy and strong, that's all I really care about. Ultimately, my birth experience is small potatoes, and will be quickly forgotten, compared to gorgeous fact that she is coming.
I am lucky and blessed beyond compare; that hasn't changed since the moment I found out I was pregnant.
The hospital is having me do formal kick counts from here on out and I am very happy to report that Maya has so far exceeded her kick quota on all counts thus far. Thank goodness.
The contractions I was having yesterday (from the second membrane stripping) have more or less tapered off completely. I have felt a few here and there this morning, but barely noticeable.
I can't help but wonder what would happen if I was pregnant, say, 50 years ago. Obviously, I wouldn't be pregnant at all back then because we conceived by IVF. However, let's say I was pregnant... Just how overdue can a baby go on it's own without induction? My aunt was apparently pregnant for an extra month. Another person I talked to said they went three weeks overdue. At some point, does the baby always come out, or can they stay in forever? I realize my measly 6 days overdue is nothing compared to how overdue some women go, despite the fact that I feel like the most pregnant woman ever to exist. But I do wonder, with no medical intervention, just how long would this go on?
I have pretty much given up hope of having this baby girl the way I had imagined, and have resigned myself to the idea that we'll probably have induction. I had a bit of a cry about that this morning, just because this is probably going to be our only child and this is not the birth experience I had wanted or expected. I had always dreamed of a natural birth, with minimal intervention. Letting go of my attachment to my ideal birth experience did make me feel sad, but truthfully, as long as Maya arrives healthy and safe, it really doesn't much matter how she gets here. As long as she gets here and she is perfect, healthy and strong, that's all I really care about. Ultimately, my birth experience is small potatoes, and will be quickly forgotten, compared to gorgeous fact that she is coming.
I am lucky and blessed beyond compare; that hasn't changed since the moment I found out I was pregnant.
Friday, August 22, 2008
40w5d [Updated]
Doctor's appointment this morning didn't give me the "this baby is coming right now" news I had so hoped for. My cervix is still at about 2cm (same as last appointment) but does seem thinner. But I believe my doctor said it was "favourable" or something like that.
I was sobbing from the moment I stepped into the exam room. 6 hours total of sleep in 3 days PLUS raging hormones equals Hilary losing her shit. I am not myself at all.
I asked about the possibility of induction. Dr. R said that it's much better to let the baby come naturally than to induce her, but they won't let me go past Wednesday August 27th either way. However, she did say that I would be sent for fetal monitoring and testing today to assess how baby girl is doing in there and if they note any problems, then induction would of course be sooner than Wednesday. They will be calling me with a time to come in for this testing, so I am just waiting by the phone right now.
My membranes were re-stripped again this morning in an effort to get things going. I am contracting quite a bit from having that done, but I'm not getting my hopes up here because this is exactly what happened last time I had my membranes stripped and eventually the contractions just petered out.
I am nervous for the fetal testing. All testing makes me nervous. I guess in the meantime, I'll try to get a few minutes of sleep while I wait for a call from the hospital.
I must say, this is not at all how I imagined it would be.
[Update:] I just got home from the hospital, where I had an AFI (to check fluid levels) and a fetal NST (non-stress test). Both results were "reassuring". My fluid levels are in the 80th percentile, considered to be "generous" and baby girl kicked and moved enough to please the assessor who therefore made the determination that we are not in need of an immediate induction. Thank G-d for that. Of course I prefer a great test result to an immediate delivery.
However, we are no closer to labour at this point. The contractions that resulted from this morning's second membrane stripping have continued, but they are not very strong nor are they regular. I'm not holding my breath that they mark the beginning of any real labour. As it stands, I am to repeat the AFI and NST at the hospital again on Tuesday and will likely be induced on Wednesday, provided I don't go into labour before then. And I was warned that if they are too booked to fit in my induction on Wednesday then it may be pushed back to Thursday or even possibly Friday. It will be a miracle if I don't give birth to a toddler at this point.
I was sobbing from the moment I stepped into the exam room. 6 hours total of sleep in 3 days PLUS raging hormones equals Hilary losing her shit. I am not myself at all.
I asked about the possibility of induction. Dr. R said that it's much better to let the baby come naturally than to induce her, but they won't let me go past Wednesday August 27th either way. However, she did say that I would be sent for fetal monitoring and testing today to assess how baby girl is doing in there and if they note any problems, then induction would of course be sooner than Wednesday. They will be calling me with a time to come in for this testing, so I am just waiting by the phone right now.
My membranes were re-stripped again this morning in an effort to get things going. I am contracting quite a bit from having that done, but I'm not getting my hopes up here because this is exactly what happened last time I had my membranes stripped and eventually the contractions just petered out.
I am nervous for the fetal testing. All testing makes me nervous. I guess in the meantime, I'll try to get a few minutes of sleep while I wait for a call from the hospital.
I must say, this is not at all how I imagined it would be.
[Update:] I just got home from the hospital, where I had an AFI (to check fluid levels) and a fetal NST (non-stress test). Both results were "reassuring". My fluid levels are in the 80th percentile, considered to be "generous" and baby girl kicked and moved enough to please the assessor who therefore made the determination that we are not in need of an immediate induction. Thank G-d for that. Of course I prefer a great test result to an immediate delivery.
However, we are no closer to labour at this point. The contractions that resulted from this morning's second membrane stripping have continued, but they are not very strong nor are they regular. I'm not holding my breath that they mark the beginning of any real labour. As it stands, I am to repeat the AFI and NST at the hospital again on Tuesday and will likely be induced on Wednesday, provided I don't go into labour before then. And I was warned that if they are too booked to fit in my induction on Wednesday then it may be pushed back to Thursday or even possibly Friday. It will be a miracle if I don't give birth to a toddler at this point.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
40w4d
I realize I need to get over myself.
I hit a breaking point yesterday and just couldn't stop crying. Hormones, impatience, discomfort and lack of control were to blame. Luckily, I have a very sweet dad who recognized how upset I was and he very kindly gave me a hug, a foot massage and took me to the local jewish deli for some chicken soup with matzo balls. It helped immensely.
In all my anxiety, I lost, for a moment, the forest for the trees. I am so incredibly lucky and blessed to be in this place, mere hours or days away from meeting my daughter. It's not that I forgot about all that (I never, EVER forget), I just lost my focus.
Tomorrow morning I have a doctor's appointment, which will hopefully result in some sort of plan. The most my doctor will let me go overdue is 10 days so come hell or high water, this baby girl will be arriving no later than August 27th (next Wednesday). I hope it doesn't come down to induction, but I guess I need to be prepared for that possibility. If that's how it's going to happen, so be it.
Today it's raining but I'm going to try to get in a very long walk anyway. And I'm going to try to stay calm and have the most anxiety-free day I can. Although I feel like hands-down the most pregnant woman to ever waddle the face of the earth right now, I know this isn't an uncommon position for a first-time mum to find herself in and somehow zillions of other mums have gone a lot more overdue than I am right now and they have persevered and had perfect, healthy children. This is my focus, my mantra, for today.
I will post again after my doctor's appointment tomorrow morning. So if you check my blog tomorrow (Friday) before 11:00am PST and don't see a post, don't assume it's because something exciting is happening, as I'll likely just be tied up at my appointment for the early part of the morning.
Then again, anything is possible, right?
I hit a breaking point yesterday and just couldn't stop crying. Hormones, impatience, discomfort and lack of control were to blame. Luckily, I have a very sweet dad who recognized how upset I was and he very kindly gave me a hug, a foot massage and took me to the local jewish deli for some chicken soup with matzo balls. It helped immensely.
In all my anxiety, I lost, for a moment, the forest for the trees. I am so incredibly lucky and blessed to be in this place, mere hours or days away from meeting my daughter. It's not that I forgot about all that (I never, EVER forget), I just lost my focus.
Tomorrow morning I have a doctor's appointment, which will hopefully result in some sort of plan. The most my doctor will let me go overdue is 10 days so come hell or high water, this baby girl will be arriving no later than August 27th (next Wednesday). I hope it doesn't come down to induction, but I guess I need to be prepared for that possibility. If that's how it's going to happen, so be it.
Today it's raining but I'm going to try to get in a very long walk anyway. And I'm going to try to stay calm and have the most anxiety-free day I can. Although I feel like hands-down the most pregnant woman to ever waddle the face of the earth right now, I know this isn't an uncommon position for a first-time mum to find herself in and somehow zillions of other mums have gone a lot more overdue than I am right now and they have persevered and had perfect, healthy children. This is my focus, my mantra, for today.
I will post again after my doctor's appointment tomorrow morning. So if you check my blog tomorrow (Friday) before 11:00am PST and don't see a post, don't assume it's because something exciting is happening, as I'll likely just be tied up at my appointment for the early part of the morning.
Then again, anything is possible, right?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
40w3d
I am losing my SHIT. I woke up at 5am this morning and just sobbed. This wait has reduced me to such a hormonal wreck. I am just not myself.
I know it must sound crazy, feeling so discouraged at his point in my pregnancy. I think it's the uncertainty that's getting to me. I am so desperate for this baby girl to be born, and everything else in my life is just on hold until she gets here. I don't want to be induced; I want Maya to decide to be born on her own.
I'm worried about what an induction would do to my baby and to my labour, I'm worried about having an aging placenta, I'm worried about something going wrong. I'm worried that this baby is going to be 15 pounds. I'm just wracked with worry in general. This truly has been a difficult week for me, emotionally. And I'm sure the hormones are not helping.
I have to clear out of my condo today because they're shutting off the power to the building from 9am to 4pm for some sort of maintenance. I suppose I could stay in but I'd be bored without TV, internet, etc. I am all about distraction right now, so that will never do. When we received the notice about the power shut-off a few weeks ago, I remember thinking, "I'm going to have a newborn by then." I honestly never thought I'd still be pregnant at this point. But here I am.
*sigh*
I know it must sound crazy, feeling so discouraged at his point in my pregnancy. I think it's the uncertainty that's getting to me. I am so desperate for this baby girl to be born, and everything else in my life is just on hold until she gets here. I don't want to be induced; I want Maya to decide to be born on her own.
I'm worried about what an induction would do to my baby and to my labour, I'm worried about having an aging placenta, I'm worried about something going wrong. I'm worried that this baby is going to be 15 pounds. I'm just wracked with worry in general. This truly has been a difficult week for me, emotionally. And I'm sure the hormones are not helping.
I have to clear out of my condo today because they're shutting off the power to the building from 9am to 4pm for some sort of maintenance. I suppose I could stay in but I'd be bored without TV, internet, etc. I am all about distraction right now, so that will never do. When we received the notice about the power shut-off a few weeks ago, I remember thinking, "I'm going to have a newborn by then." I honestly never thought I'd still be pregnant at this point. But here I am.
*sigh*
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
40w2d
Yup, still preggers. And with no signs of labour approaching, despite some pelvic pressure, but that's nothing new.
My anxiety has been in full swing over the last couple of days. I am definitely doing that thing that my husband says I do: Trying to control everything else around me because I know I can't control when this baby is coming. Worrying about every crazy thing under the sun is exhausting, and it's a full-time job. Ah well, at least it keeps me busy.
Yesterday I decided to try nipple stimulation to get things going. I sat on the couch wearing my nursing bra undone, and tried to manually stimulate my nips while watching yesterday's episode of "Intervention". It must have been quite a weird sight, me fondling myself while watching a documentary on a crack user. I worked my nips as much as I could, until my hands got tired and my breasts felt they were on the verge of getting sore. I don't think it worked.
I don't think there is much I can do to speed things along here. I think I really just have to be patient, even though I'm terrible at it.
My anxiety has been in full swing over the last couple of days. I am definitely doing that thing that my husband says I do: Trying to control everything else around me because I know I can't control when this baby is coming. Worrying about every crazy thing under the sun is exhausting, and it's a full-time job. Ah well, at least it keeps me busy.
Yesterday I decided to try nipple stimulation to get things going. I sat on the couch wearing my nursing bra undone, and tried to manually stimulate my nips while watching yesterday's episode of "Intervention". It must have been quite a weird sight, me fondling myself while watching a documentary on a crack user. I worked my nips as much as I could, until my hands got tired and my breasts felt they were on the verge of getting sore. I don't think it worked.
I don't think there is much I can do to speed things along here. I think I really just have to be patient, even though I'm terrible at it.
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